


Collapsing Star

by triggermoreliketiger



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders, prinxiety - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Eventual Prinxiety, Fluff, Guardian Angels, Human! Sides AU, M/M, Slow Burn, age gap, it's not big though, nothing weird really, one-sided moxiety, trigger warning, tw, why am i starting another story please help, you know me i like writing angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-19
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-03-06 23:36:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 30,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13422021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/triggermoreliketiger/pseuds/triggermoreliketiger
Summary: Patton wanted to become someone's guardian angel. He and his boyfriend, Logan ended up with messy, chaotic and a little bit cocky but sweet Virgil. Roman after years comes back to his hometown to find out that his friends are nursing 19 years old boy. And almost instantly learns that this boy has a crush on one of his nurses.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Virgil suffers from depression and anxiety disorder so if any of these makes you uncomfortable, please consider leaving. It applies to all the chapters.
> 
> You can also read this on my tumblr:   
> https://royallyanxious.tumblr.com/post/169900681944/collapsing-star-prologue

Roman is sitting relaxed on Patton's sofa, laughing at one of his puns. They accidentally bumped into each other few weeks ago just after Roman moved back to his hometown. That was their first meeting since high school times. Yet Patton's pun remained just as pure as they used to be. And Logan is still getting as annoyed as he used to be upon hearing them. The only difference is that now Patton kisses down each of Logan's frowns. Roman smiles. He's happy that these two found their way together. He used to ship them so hard during the school times and when he learnt that Logan is going overseas to study his heart broke. Apparently he came back after two years, called Patton and week later they were happy couple. They now have been dating for 3 years and Roman couldn't get happier. And apparently so do they.

"Oh man so many things has changed since high school..." sighs Roman "You two are together. I, instead of being a hollywood star, am managing the theater... So many has changed..." He looks around the comfy apartment Logan and Patton share. It’s so cozy, he has never been here before and yet it feels like home already.

"But is it a bad thing though?" beams Patton "As long as we're all happy it shouldn't matter what we accomplished and have yet to accomplish in our lifes!"

"Agreed." nods Logan and delicately squeezes Patton thigh.

"And I'm so glad that you came back to Florida Ro!" adds Patton grabbing a cookie "We've missed you so much here! This town seems so boring without you!"

"Well Patton, technically the number of residents of this city makes it almost impossible to avoid any interesting situa-" he stops in the middle of the sentence and the smile drops off his face "Your earbud is..."

Patton with one quick move clicks the earbud which has been in his ear since Roman walked through the door. Now that he thinks of it Patton has been wearing it every time since the reunion in grocery store few weeks ago.

"Hello?" asks Patton. He's not smiling anymore. His face is serious and his lips form one thin line. Roman can't remember seeing Patton like that. "Never." Says Patton after few seconds and Roman catches a sight of sadness in his eyes. Apparently someone on the other side of the phone has said something sad or disturbing. Patton has always been a sensitive guy. He gestures Logan to give him a piece of paper and quickly notes down some address "Okay I have this. Stay on the phone. I'm coming. Stay on the phone." he says and quickly walks out of the room. Soon the front door shuts and Patton leaves. Confused Roman looks at Logan who sighs and rests his elbows on knees.

"A lot has changed since you left Roman." he clears his throat awkwardly. This is new to Roman too. He knows that Logan hardly ever has problems with explaining things, but this time he seems to be clearly uncomfortable.

"You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to Lo. I understand that we may have… grown apart a little bit" says Roman, even though he's really curious. He knows that his friends' feelings go first so if Logan doesn't want to talk about it- he's not going to force him.

"No, it's nothing really..." Logan exhales loudly "Despite the time that has passed I still consider you one of my closest friends Roman." he smiles slightly and Roman smiles back. He's glad that the relation between them hasn't faded away completely and now they can restore this friendship.

"So?" asks Roman and moves a little bit closer. Now he can ask about details. The tight grip on his heart disappeared being replaced with new one. Why was Patton sad? What happened when he Romas was away?

"So you know Patton..." Logan's voice is a little bit softer when he says the name of his boyfriend "He's the best human walking on this world. He sees the best in people and he loves to help others..."

"Mhm..."

"Few months ago, almost two years actually, Patton has registered into this _program_."

"What program?"

"It's called...Guardian Angel... I doubt you’ve heard of it. It’s this kind of program you wouldn't never hear about unless you look for it. And believe me Patton was looking for something like this for a long time... But let’s start from beginning, shall we? You remember that he used to suffer from depression, right?"

Roman nods quietly. These were dark days. The diagnosis and the struggles Patton has to face every day... Finally he managed to win with the illness but Roman knows that he still has to check up at doctor from time to time.

"So Guardian Angel is about helping people with depression and other mental illnesses. The recreation process is long and arduous but Patton of course was determined to become someone's _angel_. He passed all the tests. And it’s not easy to pass them for someone who himself has had troubles with mental illnesses…. So after that he had to wait for a person who needed help and was willing to put themselves under Patton's care."

"Willing to?" Roman raises his eyebrow.

"Yes, the person of whom you're taking care of chooses the guardian themselves. Patton was like a little teddy bear to be shot down at the lottery. It made me a little bit mad because Patton being Patton was worried that no one will like him enough to choose him. But... after weeks of waiting someone has appeared... A boy though he would be offended if he heard me speaking like that about him." Logan chuckles "He's 19 now, but he was 17 back then... his name... his name is Virgil. And Patton is up to his disposition 24 hours per day, 7 days per week. He even have a special earbud. You must have noticed it. So whenever Virgil doesn’t do well or needs help Patton is there to pick up the phone which mostly ends up with him taking Virgil home.”

Roman leans, trying to analyses what Logan has just said to him.

"So now Patton is...?"

"Yes, picking up Virgil. They will probably come here if Virgil feels like meeting someone new. But I think he doesn’t mind that too much. So unless you want to leave, you can stay. You're no bother Roman." Logan stands up "I have to make some tea. Virgil will probably want something hot to drink... He was probably wandering around the town with his _friends_ again. It always ends up like that... He gets hurt and..."

Roman follows Logan to the kitchen and watches as his friend boils the water. Suddenly a question pops into his mind.

"Are how do you feel about this situation?" he asks and Logan smiles slightly.

"At first it was weird... You know technically I’m no one to Virgil. I mean, I’m not the part of the project so at first I felt a little bit excluded. Especially since there are days when Virgil has to stay with us for a few days... And sometimes he needs to be taken to the doctor... Things like that felt weird at the beginning but now..." the smile grows wider "He feels almost like a little brother you have to take care of which is a pain but you still love him. It's hard to explain but despite all these horrible things he has been through Virgil is great person. And he has grown up so much during past two years! You wouldn't believe! He's so much mature now! He's not attending college yet but we're slowly thinking about it. He's health goes first so I sometimes teach him some random stuff from my textbooks, you know Roman and... wait what are you laughing about?" Logan frowns and Roman can't hold the laughter inside anymore.

"I've never thought about you in terms of proud father Lo!" he exclaims finally as he somehow manages to conduct a series of breathes in order to calm himself down. Logan snorts.

"If you spend as much of your time with someone like Virgil you would be proud of him too."

"Yea... That's what I dream of Lo.” Roman’s voice is laced with sarcasm “Handsome male with sad background story and I'm his prince on white horse! But in my vision I'm his lover. Not his mother, Logan!" laughs Roman. He knows he shouldn't but he still laughs. He feels a spark of excitement when corners of Logan's lips travel up.

"You haven't changed at all Roman." he shakes his head and pours the tea with water. Small, cozy kitchen fills with the smell of green tea and mint. "Do you like mint tea? Sorry that's all I have since Patton started freaking out about Virgil's health, all we eat and drink recently are greens." he says it completely seriously but Roman can sense a tickle of humor in the tone of Logan's voice.

"Mint is okay." replies Roman and Logan take another mug out of the cupboard. All of them are covered with colorful dots except of one which has little purple bat on it. Roman doesn't need a genius to guess who's the owner of this mug. He tries to imagine Virgil. He’s probably shy… With blonde angelic locks and big, green eyes. Following Patton everywhere like a lost puppy. Most likely wearing all grey. And on the top of that- gay. Roman hums to himself.

 "Logan aren't you jealous though?" he asks with curiosity after few minutes.

"What do you mean?" Logan looks at him with surprise.

"I mean... Patton and Virgil must share a special bond since Patton is his ‘angel’, oh my that sounds stupid but anyway... The age gap between them is only 4 years too. And as you said before you don’t have access to everything they do. And that earbud thingy… Doesn’t it worry you a little bit? I know that you consider Virgil as your younger brother but... He doesn't have to think that way. Okay and now you’re laughing? Great just great, would you enlighten me what you find so funny?” Roman grunts embarrassed watching Logan holding his stomach as a wave of giggles comes from his mouth.

"Don't worry friend. First of all, Virgil and Patton tell me everything. I don’t feel excluded even in the slightest. Second of all... Virgil has hinted us recently that he may or may not have a girlfriend."

"Straight? In 21st century?" mocks Roman teasingly and Logan raises hands in defense.

"Hey, I'm no one to judge! He knows that I will support him no matter what. But." he stops abruptly and points at Roman "You. Don't you dare to hit on this boy. Playboy."

"I'm not a boy anymore Lo-ogic." snorts bored voice from the corridor and Roman immediately turns around. So that must be Virgil. He looks nothing like Roman has imagined. He's leaning over the door-frame with his hands crossed on the chest. He's wearing a dark leather jacket and black skinny jeans. His bangs is dyed purple and Roman would say that he looks like a classical bad-boy if it wasn't that Virgil's whole face is smudged with resting of black eyeliner and eyeshadow. Streams of tears are still visible on his cheeks.

"Oh Virgil. You're here. How amazing." smiles Logan softly. "Oh you too Patton. I've made you some tea. Sit down, both of it. You must be tired. So Pat, did it go smoothly?" asks Logan as Patton sits next to Roman who feels a little bit out of place right now. He watches as Virgil lazily walks over to the chair and literally falls onto it. He leans his head back with closed eyes. Roman finds it a little bit weird but basing on lack of reaction in both Logan and Patton's posture he assumes that it's normal.

"He forgot to take his meds again." sighs Patton with a pinch of accusation in his voice.

"Oh." escapes from Logan's mouth.

"For a week." finishes Patton.

"Oh!" this sigh is much more aggressive and both Logan and Patton stares into Virgil's exposed neck as if they were trying to burn holes in it.

"I just didn't feel like it." mumbles Virgil more to himself than to Logan or Patton. The purple lacy ribbon around his neck, moves slightly on his Adam’s apple.

"Well young man you know I will have to report that." Patton clicks his tongue. "Could you at least tell me if you have them with you?"

Virgil rolls his head and finally faces Roman. Until now Roman hasn't realized that he is sitting directly in front of Virgil. He gulps. This is awkward but Virgil doesn’t seem to care about Roman at all. Not something Roman has expected from a mentally ill person but who is he to judge.

"Maybe I do, maybe I don't..." hums Virgil almost cheerfully and takes out his phone.

"Virgil." Logan's voice is cold and sends chills down Roman's spine but it seems that it doesn't bother Virgil even in the slightest. He types something into the phone, waiting if either Patton or Logan say something more.

"Okay I will take them now." he groans finally after replying to some text and takes off small box. Roman can't see the name of the medicine but it's pretty obvious that it's antidepressants. Virgil quickly gulps the pill. "Satisfied?"

Logan sighs and Patton smiles brightly.

"You want us to treat you like an adult and yet you act like this..." says Logan, gets up from the table and leaves the room mumbling something about writing to the doctor.

Roman notices that Virgil almost immediately buries his nose in his phone.

"Who are you texting kiddo?" asks Patton sweetly and Virgil flinches a little bit. His bangs fall into his eyes more and more.

"No one special." Comes a quick reply.

"Girlfriend?" chuckles Patton.

"Maybe." replies Virgil shortly with his eyes still glued to the phone.

Patton giggles once again.

"Do you want some more tea Roman? Oh right! Roman you don't know Virgil. I mean officially! Roman this is my little Virgil. Virgil honey this is my old friend Roman."

Virgil finally brings himself to look up at Roman.

"Sup?" he says quickly and his gaze drops down again.

"Nice to meet you too..." snorts Roman. Patton laughs as if he was watching a good comedy, not an awkward meeting. He gets up and ruffles Virgil's hair.

"I'll be back in a minute." he says and turns around.

Huge blush crawls on Virgil's face and he quietly looks above his shoulder at Patton who disappears in the door. Small smile wanders in the corner of his lips and Roman gasps. Virgil instantly turns his gaze on Roman and bites his lip. They for a while stare at each other trying to read each other's expression. Virgil is the first one who turns away his eyes.

 _"Guilty."_ flashes through Roman's head but he stays silent. Instead his clicks his tongue. To his utter surprise Virgil hisses at him.

"What the-"

"What?" grunts Virgil and his gaze falls back on the phone "Have you never seen a hissing emo with make-up ruined from crying."

Roman laughs quietly.

"No, I have not."

"You're welcome then." Virgil's eyes look up for a tiny piece of second before dropping down again.


	2. Sweaters and cardigans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman learns an interesting thing about Virgil.  
> Virgil is being dramatic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self-harm implications, depression implications, one-sided love
> 
> You can read this chapter on my tumblr: https://royallyanxious.tumblr.com/post/169999175699/collapsing-star-chapter-2-sweaters-and

From what Roman could tell Virgil was a weird guy with weird habits. During past 3 weeks since Roman met him, Roman has visited Patton's house twice. And Virgil was there single time. Today is no exception.

"You're sure I'm not a bother Patton?" asks Roman a little bit embarrassed. He once again ran into Patton during shopping and the latter being the sweetest man on Earth, of course invited Roman over. And Roman could never refuse these big, puppy eyes hidden behind the thick glasses.

"Of course not! I was about to make some pasta!" smiles Patton happily, while opening the front door. He has three bags in his hands, Roman carries the rest of them. Patton sighs. "Would someone help me with those? Virgil I know you're here, I can smell your cigarettes in the air. Come here kiddo!" shouts Patton “annoyed” but Roman is pretty sure that he's not even trying to hide the warm feelings coming from his heart.

To Roman's utter surprise Virgil indeed walks out of what Roman thinks is bedroom with his big headphones hanging loosely around his neck. He's wearing big stripped purple sweater with his sleeves rolled up to the elbows, exposing quite a few deep, white scars. It's origin is quite obvious and Roman freezes. So does Virgil realizing that Patton's not alone. He hesitantly pulls the sleeves down with faint blush appearing under his white foundation.

"Oh! So you do wear the sweater I gave sometimes!" Patton looks completely amazed and absently lets go of the shopping bag to bring his hands up to his cheeks. Virgil reacts almost immediately, springs forward and catch every single bag before they even touch the ground.

"You should be more careful Pat." he mumbles under his breath and Patton smiles at him apologizing.

"You just shocked me kid. That's all." The smile on Patton's face grows and so does a blush on Virgil's face. Once again Roman feels completely unnecessary.

"W-whatever..." mutters Virgil and still holding the bags, turns away to take them to the kitchen.

"Ro would you help Virgil with the shopping? I have one more shop to visit so if that wasn't a problem..." Patton brings Roman back on earth.

"Sure Pat, go ahead." At least he can do this much to help Patton.

"Great. Then I will be going. Should be back soon." he adds "Virgil! I'm leaving but I will be back soon! Call if something happens okay? Roman's going to stay with you!" he screams loudly and Roman flinches. Patton, as always lost in his own world, has just shouted right to Roman's ear.

"I don't need a babysitter!" shouts back concerned Virgil after few seconds of silence and Patton nods happily as if Virgil could see him from the kitchen.

"He seems to be in a good mood today but if he's here that means that he's feeling a little bit insecure maybe even scared." Patton quickly whispers to Roman's ear, the one he has almost deafen completely "Please keep an eye on him."

Roman nods.

"Will do Patton."

Patton beams one final big smile in reply, grabs his bag and leaves. Only then Roman realises that this is his first time being with Virgil alone for so long. How should he treat him? Like a stranger or maybe in the same way Patton and Logan treats him? Roman frowns. No, even if he wanted he can't fake this weird twisted bond they share. Roman sighs. This is going to be awkward. Even more awkward since he doesn't know what will Logan or Patton be back. Resigned he takes the bags to the kitchen, only to be welcomed with the sight of Virgil trying to put some can to the shelf on the top. Roman chuckles silently and puts the bags down, careful not to make any sound. He hasn't realised that Virgil is much shorter than him. He's standing on his toes and still has troubles with reaching the shelf.

Roman can't help but smile at this adorable scene. Like a cat he sneaks from behind and his hands lands on the can Virgil is so desperately trying to put into the shelf. The younger male jumps a little bit, feeling Roman right behind himself but lets go off the canned sweetcorn. Roman effortlessly pushes the can in and moves away.

"Thanks..." mutters Virgil, turns around and without looking into Roman's eyes, passes him by to get another thing from the bag.

"You're welcome." chuckles Roman before taking off the box full of mushrooms. Virgil hisses.

"He bought these awful thingies again even though he knows I hate them." he looks up at Roman from the opposite side of the table "I won't mind if you accidentally throw it away." he sends him a quick wink and the corners of his lips go up. This is new for Roman. Virgil has never been so direct to him before. His throat is a little bit dry.

"I'm sure he just wants you to eat healthy stuff." hums Roman finally.

"I can take care of myself."

"Well, from what I've heard you can't." states Roman and immediately bites his tongue. This is risky topic and he knows that. Virgil glares at him coldly and Roman is surprised to realise that he can't get even a hint of what's going inside his head. Finally Virgil snorts.

"I guess you're right. Apparently I can't." The choking feeling in Roman's stomach disappears, he breathes out with relief. He thinks that it's the end of the conversation until Virgil picks up the topic again "I'm not a child anymore though, you know? I'm almost 20 years old. I should be able to you know... live by myself and leave all the shit behind myself." he turns away and opens the fridge. Roman realises that Virgil did that only to hide little shakes which roll through his body. "I'm not a child anymore." he repeats one more time and closes the fridge. He hasn't taken out anything. He turns around to face Roman. Even though Virgil's colorful bangs partly hide his dark eyes, Roman knows, he just knows that the younger male is holding his tears.

"Take a break. I can handle the rest." he says and turns away his gaze. The last thing he wants is to embarrass Virgil.

Virgil nods and leaves the room quietly. Roman quickly unpacks rest of the bag. He's all ears, not sure what Virgil can do. He secretly hopes that either Patton or Logan will be back soon because honestly he has no idea if he should go comfort Virgil or just let him be. He promised Patton that he would keep an eye on Virgil but he has no idea how to do it. No matter how hard he tries he can't see that broken kid that apparently Patton sees in him. Virgil clearly has troubles with himself but... just like he said, he's not a child and he shouldn't be treated like one. Finally after 10 more minutes Roman accepts that he can't pretend to clean the kitchen any time longer. He quietly brews the same mint tea Logan made for him on the first day. He makes sure to pick the mug with little bat on it. While taking it out of the cupboard he notices a small note on the bottom of the mug.

_"For the best kiddo for his 18th birthday_

_-Pat and Logic"_

Roman frowns. He has already noticed that Virgil calls Logan by "Logic". He finds it weird and interesting enough to be a subject of light-hearted conversation. Roman walks through small, dark hall and walks into the living room. No sight of Virgil here. A little bit concerned he peaks into the bedroom  and sighs once again. Virgil is curled up on the middle of the bed with his eyes closed tightly, earphones in his ears and arms lightly hugging his knees. The view itself isn't sad but it makes Roman heart flinch a little bit with sadness. He puts the mug aside, his eyes never leaving Virgil. He's not sure if the younger is already aware of his presence or not. Roman kneels next to the bed and a little bit hesitantly touches Virgil's head. Virgil's body stiffens a little bit but soon relaxes under the gentle caresses. Few tears rolls down his pale face. After few minutes Virgil moves his head away and Roman takes back his hand. The moment is over.

Virgil with difficulty opens his eyes and stretches out his arms. The sleeves of his sweater roll up again and Roman can't help but look down at the long, white scars covering the arms. He can't tear away his gaze despite knowing that it's probably the rudest thing he can possibly do.

Virgil sighs as if he knew Roman would do that. 

"I don't do this anymore if that's what you want to ask about." his voice is much deeper and more quiet than before. Roman looks up.

"I-I didn't want to..."

"If you stick around and it seems that you will, you would ask sooner or later." Virgil looks away, letting the bangs fall on his eyes again. He has his legs crossed but he still keeps them wrapped with his arms as if he was scared that if he lets go they will fall apart.

Roman once again is left speechless.

"I like you." Virgil breaks the silence and Roman blinks at him with surprise. He didn't see that coming at all. Not from Virgil at least.

"And why is that so?" he raises his eyebrow.

"Because you don't treat me like a child. You give me space I need. I mean, don't misunderstand me. Pat and Logic are both amazing and I owe them my life and they have never ever violated my privacy but sometimes... I feel like I was their son." he fixes his dark eyes at Roman "I'm not their son. And I'm not their brother. I'm a person who accidentally was dropped into their life to ruin all the peace they had and they took me with all the shit I had with me."

Roman nods quietly. He can see what Virgil means. it's not hard to notice that both Patton and Logan treat Virgil like he was 5. And Roman can even see why taking into consideration their background story but still... for Virgil who can barely be called a teenager anymore it can be a little bit flustering.

"But you must know that it's because they care about you so deeply." says Roman finally. Virgil click his tongue as if he was disgusted with this concept.

"Sometimes I wonder if they cared if they knew..." Virgil leaves his sentence hanging in the net of confusion.

"Knew about what?" Roman tries to read Virgil's expression. The younger male is clearly blushing but little sparks in his eyes tell Roman that Virgil's actually enjoys speaking to people like that.

"Nothing..." he sing-songs and quickly gets up off the bed. "Pat should be back soon, I'll start boiling the water." he declares and leaves Roman alone.

Roman drops his head down. He hasn't realised he was holding his breath. His gaze falls on the bed, only to gasp as he sees what Virgil was hugging so tightly hidden in the space between his crossed legs and chest. He was holding one of Patton's grey cardigan which is now covered with wet stains from his tears. Roman hesitantly takes the cardigan. He should wash off the grey marks from the eye-shadow before they will be impossible to get rid of.

\---

Just when Roman hangs the cardigan on the hanger, he hears doors opening and Logan's tired voice followed by Patton's cheerful chatter. Roman peaks out of the bathroom only to face surprised Logan.

"What is this? Are we running a shelter now or something? Patton when will you stop bringing all your friends home?" he huffs and puffs but still smiles at Roman.

"Sorry for being a bother." mumbles soft voice and suddenly everyone's eyes are on Virgil who's leaning against the wall "I cooked a dinner." he adds before disappearing in the kitchen.

Patton quickly takes off his shoes and rushes behind Virgil, visibly proud. Logan puts aside his bag.

"Tough day Lo?" he asks sheepishly.

"Not really but..." Logan is interrupted in the middle of sentence with high-pitched scream of delight. Logan takes few deep breaths but basing on his reaction Patton randomly screaming in the kitchen is something completely normal.

"Guys you have to try this! Virgil did such a great job."

"Shut up Patton." mumbles Virgil but he's doing it loud enough so that both Roman and Logan standing in the corridor can hear him. Logan smirks.

"He has quite an attitude, doesn't he?" he asks but Roman knows that it's more question to himself than to Roman. Urged with constant Patton's shoutouts and delicious smell they go to the kitchen.

\---

After the dinner all four of them move over the small living room. The conversation is flowing lightly and effortlessly and soon they group divides into two "couples". Roman talks with Patton about his plan to open his open cafe while Logan explains Virgil something from the subject of astronomy. Roman can't help looking up at Virgil from time to time. He explains it to himself with interest how actually relation between Virgil and Logan looks like. At the view he gets is indeed not expected. Two of them. The serious nerd in a necktie and a emo in warm sweater sit and chat together without any boundaries. From time to time Virgil punches Logan's arm whenever the latter says something funny. Roman catches himself on waiting for Virgil to laugh. It sounds so pure and happy. It's actually more muffled chuckle but still- it's very, very melodic. Suddenly Virgil looks up to but his gaze doesn't cross with Roman's, he looks at something next to him. His eyes are wide-opened and look like soft, black pillows. Roman turns his gaze to the object of Virgil's admiration.

Everything clicks instantly.

Patton.

Roman looks up hasitly but Virgil once again shows something on his phone to Logan.

Logan laughs.

Patton asks if anyone wants more tea.

Roman coughs awkwardly.

\---

The clock shows 10pm when Roman realises that he should probably go home since he has to be at work early next morning. Despite Patton whiny question why does he have to late so early, he grabs his jacket and phone.

"Don't worry Patton I have car parked right in front of this building, did you forget?" he asks when Patton states that walking around the town at night is dangerous.

"Patton, Roman is grown up man and has his own house let him go." Logan wraps his arms around Patton's waist and pushes him closer to his own body. Virgil, standing in the corridor, turns away his gaze. He crosses his arms on the chest.

"Actually I would like to go home too..." he states finally, fidgeting with the sleeve of his sweater. Both Logan and Patton look at him confused.

"Are you sure Virgil? You know you are more than welcome to stay..." says Logan.

Patton starts biting his nails.

"Are you sure you can handle going home today? You've been quite... out of this world recently." he nervously rubs his own arm and Logan grip on Patton's waist gets tighter. Virgil looks right at Roman.

"Yes, I'm sure. Could you give me a ride?" he asks and tilts his head.

Roman nods and Patton quickly sets himself free from Logan's embrace and rushes to the kitchen. He comes back after few seconds with box full of cookies. He silently pushes it on Virgil's chest.

"Don't worry Pat, it's not that I'm going to die there." he chuckles "That's my home and you know that. I'm not your child." he declares quietly.

"It feels like you were though." sighs Patton and wraps his armshands around Virgil's neck. Logan can't see that from the place where he's standing but Roman can easily see how Virgil's face relaxes when Patton hugs him. He sees the grip of his pale hands on Patton's shirt. He sees Virgil snuggling lightly into the crook of Patton's neck. He sees as Virgil's nostrils grow as he inhales Patton's scent. And finally he sees a cramp of pain when Patton moves away. Everything lasts for only few seconds but it says all to Roman.

Logan friendly pats Virgil and the younger male smiles.

"Remember to send me that presentation when you finish it." he reminds with a smile. And Roman can't tell if it's real or not.

"I certainly will Virgil. Call Patton or me whenever you feel like it."

"Will do." nods Virgil and grabs his small bag covered with various badges and pins. "Let's go Ro." he says and not waiting for an approval leaves the flat. Roman politely bows to his friends and follows Virgil.

He finds the younger standing outside the building with cigarette between his fingers. He looks into the sky who should be starry and dark but in urban reality is weirdly grey, almost as if someone forgot to wash it. Roman rocks back and forward on the heels of his leather shoes waiting until Virgil finishes. The latter blows out a thick cloud of smoke.

"You can go without me, I just knew that they won't let me go alone. That's all." he states and fixes his eyes back in the sky.

"I will give you a ride as I promised." says Roman and tugs his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “It's getting colder.”

"You don't have to I won't tell Pat." sighs Virgil completely ignoring the last sentence and throws the rest of the cigarette on the ground to crush it with his shoe.

"I want to." Roman turns his head to Virgil and they gazes lock together. Virgil shrugs.

"Then let's go." he says and walks few steps, only to look at Roman from above his shoulder a little bit frustrated "I don't know which car."

Roman chuckles quietly. Virgil can be adorable.

"The black one."

"Good, matches my soul."

"Pff..." snorts Roman and opens the door to Virgil.

"What?" Virgil instantly pushes Roman away and gets inside by himself.

"You're not black at all."

"Oh really?" Virgil's voice is laced with sarcasm and something else which makes Roman lean a little bit closer. "How could you know that?" he crossed his arms on the chest.

Roman licks his lips, enjoying the rare occasion when Virgil looks him directly in the eyes.

"I'm a good observer." he chooses his words wisely, trying to send Virgil a message.

Virgil turns away his gaze. The message has been delivered with a success.

"Fuck off and get inside." he mumbles and sinks deeper into the seat.

Roman chuckles but fulfills the ask.

\---

Virgil's house is quite far away but his instructions are clear and easy to follow. No more words except these are said though. Roman feels a little bit like he was driving with human GSP, not a breathing person. Finally Virgil asks Roman to stop on the corner of some small, dark street stating that he lives not so far away from here and he can go alone now. Roman turns off the engine but before Virgil manages to open his door, he grabs the pale hand. Virgil looks at his surprised.

"W-what?" Maybe Roman is exaggerating but he could swear that he heard a shadow of fear in Virgil's voice.

"I have a question for you." says Roman quietly and his hand slips off Virgil's wrist.

"Yes?" he flips his bangs nervously.

Roman bites his lips still not sure if he can ask.

"You... You're not planning to split Logan and Patton?" he looks Virgil right into the eyes. The street-lanterns throwing a yellow light, reveal a blush on Virgil's face.

"I-I don't know what you're talking about." he says and bites the inner part of his cheek.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about. Patton may consider you his son or little brother or whatever but you-"

"No." cuts Virgil quickly "They are... They are made for each other and I know that. Don't worry I will get over it soon. It's not my first hopeless crush and probably not the last one either." he finishes quickly and gets off the car.

Roman taps the steering wheel anxiously before getting off the car and rushing after Virgil. He still has one thing to do that he knows it can't be said in Patton or Logan's presance.

Virgil is already in the middle of the street with when Roman finally catches him. Surprised Virgil turns around almost immediately. When Roman looks into his eyes, all he sees is fear until a blink of a second later Virgil recognizes Roman and fear is replaced with confusion.

"What?" he snaps. The shadows falling on his face, makes his make-up look even darker and his skin sickly yellow. Only his eyes remain the same- dark and mysterious. The lamp above them blinks repeatedly.

"I..." what did Roman even want to say? He clears his throat "I wanted to say that for me you're not a child." he says it softly, much softer than he intended to and for a tiny piece of second he thinks he sees spark of happiness on the bottom of dark eyes.

Virgil snorts and smirks mockingly.

"Well obviously I'm not. I'm not much younger than you yourself. It's just Patton who... refuses to let go off hurt, poor 17 years old Virge."

Roman releases Virgil's hand and watches the other without the word, disappear in the shadows of the street. They part their ways without exchanging a goodbye.


	3. Panini and cafes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman learns a little bit more about Virgil's past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of depression, suicide attempt, anxiety attack, homophobia, abusive parents

 

All days seem to be similar to each other recently. Roman gets up in the morning. Checks if the theater was opened on the right time. He watches the rehearsals of the performances, gives actors his advices, he records the number of the people on the audience during last night and he goes back home. Every weekend he visits Patton and Logan. Every weekend he finds out that Virgil's not there. Every weekend he's a little bit disappointed with that.

"So how does it look? Doesn't he have to like checkup on you Patton?" asks Roman one long evening when the three of them, Roman, Patton and Logan, sit over some board game. Patton hums. The name doesn’t have to pop out, everybody knows about who Roman ask.

"No, not exactly. If he sees his doctor, he doesn't have to tell me anything. And I know that he hasn't missed a single visit during last few weeks. Sometimes he calls me to tell me that he's okay and stuff like that but he does it mostly because he knows that I'm worried."

Roman nods. Virgil definitely cares if Patton worries.

"It looked differently when he was younger though." continues Patton "Back then almost every therapy session was conducted with me since he wasn't officially adult. Actually he could legally give up on whole project after his 18th birthday. But he didn't. Both me and his psychologist were delighted with this fact because he was getting through some really rough time back then..."

"What do you mean?" Roman tilts his head and immediately regrets asking.

"He had his suicide attempt." states calmly Logan but Roman sees how his fingers twitch when he tries to explain "He... Virgil was trying to hang himself a week before his 18th birthday." Logan drops his head. Roman stiffens.

"You-you don’t have to tell that if you don't want to guys."

Logan waves his hand off as if it was nothing and Patton nervously shifts on his seat. No one is interested in the game anymore.

"It was me who found him actually..." Logan sighs and takes off the glasses to rub the corners of his eyes "He asked me to deliver some book or maybe it was a magazine to his house. I arrived a little bit earlier because I wanted to avoid crossing paths with his mother. We don't like each other. Actually she doesn't like anyone which is probably one of the reasons of his state."

"Stupid bitch." mutters Patton under his breath and Roman is out of breath. This is the first time he has heard Patton cursing.

"Agreed but back to the story..." Logan coughs to gain back Roman's attention "So I climbed upstairs and I don't know... In the middle of the staircase some bad feeling hit me so I started running. The doors were opened and it made me freak out even more. I remember that there were a lot of papers on the ground and Virgil's cat almost ran away but I couldn't care less. I completely lost my mind and was running from a room to a room shouting his name. I found him in the last room. Oh God I will never forget this..." Logan hid face in his arms and Patton protectively wrapped his arm around his boyfriend. Logan sobbed soundlessly "He was standing there... On a chair... It was white and i remember clearly it was the only white thing in his room... He had this ridiculous purple shirt with tears on and... and... his neck... He was surprised... It was the only emotion that I could see on his face. Surprise. He didn't expect me there. I saw that in his eyes. Maybe that surprise is what let me save him... I've never cried like I cried back then w-when he took off that rope and let me hug him... My... My best friend Roman... He planned killing myself and I haven't even noticed."

Roman remains silent letting Logan cry as much as he wants to. Patton sobs quietly too. Small but  numerous rain drops start hitting the surface of the glass. It sounds like a melody. Roman looks outside. He wonders if Virgil looks at the rain now too. And if he does what does he think about.

\---

Next morning is the first morning for Roman when he oversleeps his alarm. All three of them to be more precise. Luckily he arrives to the theater on time but he had to skip the breakfast. And he’s hungry. Like, really hungry. His stomach is louder than the whole orchestra to the point that one of the actors delicately suggests him to take a break and go grab something to eat. Roman fights with the urge to refuse, since the first performance is in few days, but his basic needs win over the responsibility. The weather is nice after the rain, the air is fresh and it's not so cold, so he decides to take a walk to the shopping quarter nearby. He has been there a few times and he knows that there's a place which serves amazing lunch. Roman crosses street after street when suddenly a familiar purple hair grabs his attention. He doesn't know what makes him follow Virgil instead of going to the panini heaven but he does. He follows Virgil carefully, paying attention to keep the distance. To his utter surprise Virgil stops in front of the entrance of a place which looks like... well... like a brothel.

Not that Roman minds. No of course, everybody has their needs but... he's shocked. He didn't suspect Virgil is the type of person to go to get laid at... 10 am. From behind the dumpster he watches as Virgil rocks back and forward on his toes. He looks so small. And so lost. So out of place. Suddenly he takes his phone out of the pocket and quickly types something in. He then sits back under the wall and Roman at this point has really no idea what is going on but he's willing to wait and see. After few minutes the door swing open and Virgil gets up to be almost immediately wrapped in a tight hug by some girl. Roman can't see it clearly from this distance but he looks a little bit older than Virgil. She is wearing short skirt and big jacket. Seemingly she's on a break but Roman can't take that for sure. Virgil says something and girl takes some time to think before reply. Virgil grins and nods. He quickly pulls out his phone and hands it to girl. She types something and disappears back in the building.

Roman frowns trying to connect the dots. Was it that girl who Virgil is "dating" according to Patton? But Roman knows that Virgil has a crush on Patton? So he was playing just distracting himself with that girl? Roman has just casually assumed that Virgil was gay after noticing his crush on Patton but after all... But did the event he has just witnessed implied any romantic relationship?

"What are you doing here?" asks a voice from above and Roman looks up to see very confused Virgil himself. Apparently Roman got so lost in thoughts that he hasn't even noticed that Virgil was going this way.

"I-I saw you in the streets and..." Roman stutters and gets up from the space between two dumpsters.

"And you stalked me?" Virgil's eyebrow raises a little bit.

"No! Nonononono, I was just walking this way!" Roman blushes deeply trying to wiggle out of the awkward situation.

"And two bins were the place where you were going?" says Virgil sarcastically crossing arms on his chest "Sorry, I don't believe you Romeo." he adds dryly.

Roman knows that there's no point in pretending. He should have known that from the beginning.

"Sorry..." he admits bashfully, feeling  hotness blooming on his cheeks. Virgil looks at Roman for a while behind the bangs before he breaks into giggle.

"You should have seen your face." he says finally and Roman blushes even harder. Virgil bits his lips "I forgive you, don't worry." he sighs finally. "It was nice seeing you Roman." he declares and takes a step forward when Roman grabs his hand. Virgil's looks at him shocked "Dude, you gotta stop touching me so randomly, ever heard of space bubble?" he snaps and Roman immediately takes his hand back.

"Sorry, I was... I was just wondering if I could make it all up to you by treating you with lunch." he rubs the back of his neck. He can't remember when was the last time he got so shy so quickly. Because of a minor in addition.

Virgil clicks his tongue. The sound rolls across the empty alley.

"You do realize it's not even noon?" he replies with a question.

"A late breakfast then." Roman smiles shyly and looks at Virgil. To his utter surprise Virgil's eyes travel from Roman's face down to his toes. _Is he checking me out?_

"Sure why not." puffs Virgil and starts walking down the alley not waiting for Roman. The latter quickly jogs to him. They walk in silence for a while before Roman finally takes courage to ask Virgil:

"Not to sound rude but were you checking me out just few minutes ago?" with a corner of his eye his looks at Virgil. His face expression doesn't change even in the slightest, he still looks like a bored, a little bit sleepy puppy.

"Nope."

"It looked like you were checking me out though..." Roman doesn't plan on giving up so easily.

"You wish..." Virgil smirks slightly and Roman's heart twitches. He shakes his head. He couldn't possibly hope for Virgil to check him out, did he?

"How would you react if I did wish that?" he grins brightly sensing a good moment to tease this emo boy.

Virgil's head jerks up. Roman with surprise notices a pastel pink blush on his cheeks.

"I mean... I-I guess... You know... I mean... I'm not exactly..." he stutters awkwardly and Roman can't help but burst into giggles. His embarrassment was totally worth it. Virgil grunts "Fucking bastard..." he mumbles to himself which causes Roman to burst into another wave of laughter. That was almost too easy.

Roman keeps on giggling and Virgil keeps on grunting angrily until they arrive to the cafe Roman intended to go on the first place. He stands in the line to order something when he notices that Virgil shifts awkwardly on his spot.

"What's up Gloomy? Come, pick something. I will take an order." Roman snaps his fingers in front of Virgil's eyes.

"I... Ekehm, I didn't think you were serious about this. I mean... I should probably pay for myself but I don't really have any cash on me so..." he rubs his arm and his gaze once again lands on the ground. Roman can't help but smile softly.

"Of course I was serious. It's my treat!" he says smoothly "How about I will pick something for you and you will sit down and wait for me?  Okay?" his words somehow manage Virgil to look up for a tiny bit of second before his eyes drop down again. He nods quietly and scans the room looking for some free spot. He finally notices one in the corner of the room and rushes to sit there, when he does so he looks up and sends awkward thumbs up to Roman, before pulling out his phone.

Roman grins to himself. Virgil is really adorable. Despite that whole emo look, he's really adorable. Roman instantly feels that it is just the part of Virgil's personality. Virgil could be 40 and would still give that kind of vibes, no matter how hard he tried to hide that. Roman sighs softly orders two brunches for him and Virgil. He doesn't really know what Virgil likes so he decides to stick with his usual order. He takes the tray and carefully walks to the table, paying attention not to spill the coffee in the mugs. He places the tray down.

"You sure you don't want me to give you money for that?" asks Virgil quietly with his eyes glued on the phone. Roman starts to suspect that this is his defensive position. That way he doesn't have to look into the other's person eyes while talking.

"Yeah I'm sure." chuckles Roman and takes a bite of warm toast with avocado. Virgil puts down his phone and eyes the brunch in front of him.

"So you feed me with greens too?" he asks finally but reluctantly picks up the fork.

Roman smiles.

"Not intentionally. I just got you something I like." he watches Virgil munching the meal and with pleasure observes that his lips twitch up a little bit.

"It's okay... I guess..." hums Virgil and puts another bite into his mouth. "Don't smile at me, you look creepy." he adds and Roman bites his lips. He definitely has a soft spot for some of Virgil's actions. They stay silent until both of them finish eating. Roman glances at the clock, he still have a little bit of time before going back to work.

He props his elbows on the table and rest chin on his tangles fingers.

"So Virgil... Will you tell me what where you doing there?" he asks carefully. Virgil glances at him and takes a sip of his coffee. His purple nails contrast with the white mug he's holding.

"Why would I? It has nothing to do with you." he watches Roman carefully. His dark eyes are half-closed but the whites are still clearly visible between heavy layers of dark make-up.

"I'm just curious." Roman adjusts on his seat.

"Hmm... Curiosity killed the cat Roman. And I would know. I have a cat and she's getting herself into dangerous situations all the time." Virgil look through the window.

"Don't try changing the subject." sings Roman quietly and Virgil snorts.

"You're like Disney prince." he states with a great dose of irony "You sing well, you look good, you have pleasant voice..." his voice is quiet, slowly drifting more and more distant. Roman feels that his cheeks once again grow red. This is a strange feeling because normally he's used to receiving such a compliments. They just sound... oddly satisfying when coming from Virgil.

"Well, if you wanted my number you could just ask." Roman winks, trying to keep up his facade. Virgil glimpses at him and snorts.

"I didn't mean it like that prince charming."

"I know, you're just trying to escape from replying to my question." Roman straightens up and sends Virgil the most angelic smile he can. They stare at each other for few moments before Virgil finally sighs a quiet "Fine".

"It's nothing big though. Cynthia is just my friend. I got to know her through my lovely mother. Just like you saw Cynthia works at her place. She's a little bit like an older sister to me. But not in the annoying way like Patton wants to be my brother or whatever family shit he's up to. Anyway she's my fake girlfriend. You know. In front of my mum. That's all. I needed to confirm something with her." states Virgil calmly. His voice is completely ripped of emotions and icy cold. Roman blinks.

"But... That means that..." he stutters confused.

"Yep. Cynthia's a prostitute at my mommy's brothel and at the same time pretends to be my girlfriend. Hope you're satisfied now." Virgil leans back on his chair and taps his fingers against the table.

"Wait. Let me sort it..." Roman gently rubs his forehead and closes his eyes "So you fake dating a prostitute who works at your mother's... place? Sorry but all of these sounds just pointless I mean..." he opens his eyes trying to find answers in Virgil's ones.

Virgil shrugs.

"It works for me, Cynthia and mum." Roman can sense a little bit of poison in Virgil's voice whenever he's mentioning his mother "Mommy doesn't like the idea of... you know... boys coming anywhere near me ever since she found out that I may or may not swing both ways. Except that I don't. I'm just as straight as fucking polygon.” He laughs, so this is just as Roman has suspected before “Unless the male I know is obviously straight I shouldn't really come close to him. So I figured out that if I fake to have a girlfriend mommy would give me a slack. Cynthia just happened to be right person on the right place."

Roman tries to adjust all the information. So: Virgil's mother owns a brothel. She's homophobic. Virgil is 100% gay. Also has a crush on Patton who treats him as a son and on the top of that Virgil pretends to date a prostitute. That's quite a lot.

"How about Patton and Logan though?" asks Roman curiously. I mean, let's be honest Patton is the most obvious gay Roman has ever met.

"I kept them a secret until I was 18. She didn't give a fuck about my therapy anyway."

"Oh." Roman is speechless "I'm sorry..." he adds.

"Don't be. I'm actually glad she's like that. Except you know... like homophobia. But I can deal with that too. She hasn't liked me even before she found out about that."

Roman looks at Virgil puzzled and Virgil grinds at him bitterly. He points his long pale finger at his own chest.

"This emo piece of shit was an accident and is reminded about that every day."

Suddenly Roman regrets he has even brought up the subject at the first place. He frowns and sinks into his seat not knowing what to say. Virgil shakes his head as if he was deeply disappointed.

"Don't you dare to pity me, Ro." he says huskily and Roman looks up. Suddenly Virgil looks like he was at least 10 years older than he is in reality "It's the one thing I can't stand in people. When they pity me. I'm okay. It's my reality Roman, really. It's been my reality for years and yes, I had some major crisis but I'm really used to that. People are a little bit like puzzles. Even if they at the end show one picture, it doesn't mean that every piece clicks with the other. That's how it is between me and my mother." he leans a little bit closer, staring into his dark nails "We create each other pictures but we just don't stick together. I've accepted that long time ago. I just wish I realized that earlier to be honest. When I was a kid for example." He stretches his arms and looks at Roman though the space between his fingers. "So don't pity me. Please. Just take this story and accept it as fucked up as it is." He rests the hand on the table.

Roman opens his mouth to say something when two girls walk over to their table. Virgil immediately sinks into his baggy clothes. Roman raises one eyebrow.

"How may I be in your assistance?" he asks softly, almost sure what the next question will be. Girls giggle quietly before one of them, the taller one with long brown hair leans over the table (completely ignoring Virgil who’s sitting across it).

"I was wondering if by any chance I could ask you for a cup of tea or coffee." she asks smiling sweetly.

Roman tries to surpass a chuckle. Years of being gay and some people still don't seem to catch his rainbow vibes.

"My lovely..." he purrs softly, knowing exactly what kind of effect it will have. He gently grabs girl's hand "I would love to but I'm afraid you may expect some kind of romantic interaction with me. And honey, believe me, this Prince is very, very gay." he smirks watching girl's reaction. Her skin immediately changes color to dark red and she slips off the table.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!" she stutters "I've just assumed that..." she glimpses and Virgil "And oh shit, you're in the middle of... Oh my god! I'm so so sorry! Come on Lisa, we gotta go!" she grabs her friend's hand and bows deeply in Roman direction "I'm really sorry!" he adds and disappears behind the door.

Roman smiles to himself and shifts his gaze at Virgil. To his utter surprise the younger male is clearly blushing.

"Virgil?" asks Roman "Did something happen?"

"N-nothing." Virgil hides half of his face behind the sleeve of his jacket.

"Doesn't seem like nothing." Roman leans a little bit.

Virgil does a chaotic movement with his hand, revealing his red shaded face.

"It's just... They assumed that... You know that we're a couple and I... I didn't react and oh gosh..." he hides his face in his hands "That must be so embarrassing to you. I'm sorry I knew that it was bad idea to come here." He chokes on his own words.

Roman instantly gets up and in a matter of seconds his crouches down next to Virgil. He gently touches his crossed thighs and rubs his back. He has lived for long enough to know that panic attacks have many faces but all of them are same terrifying. Virgil leans a little bit, almost lying his chest on his own legs and Roman keeps rubbing his back. From time to time he feels soundless sobs under his fingers.

"Breathe is, breathe out Virgil... That's right... You're doing amazing... In for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, out for 8 seconds." he whispers quietly to his ear, not paying attention to the glimpses they get from people in the cafe. He couldn't care less about it. After few long minutes Virgil finally calms down and straightens up.

"I'm sorry." he mumbles quietly.

"There's nothing to be sorry about Virgil. Are you sure you're okay?" asks Roman concerned before getting up from the ground. Virgil nods and gets up from his seat.

"I would rather leave though."

"Of course dearest." Roman snaps his fingers and quickly pull on his bomber jacket. They rush out of the cafe. This time it's Virgil who leads the way. Roman takes his opportunity and quickly texts his assistant that he has decided to take a day off today. He knows that he's in no obligation to go with Virgil wherever he's going but he just _feels_ like it.

They end up in some old, park on an bench. Virgil clearly knows the place, carefully picking the spot they sit at. Both of his legs land on the bench and he stretches out his arms once again. The sun lights his pale skin through the space between the leafs. Roman suggestively pats his lap and after a moment of hesitation Virgil lies his head down on Roman's thigh. He's not looking at Roman and Roman's not looking at him. They just happen to stay like that for some time. The sun moves slowly across the sky. In the meantime Roman's hand finds its way to Virgil's hair. He play with little purple streaks.

Virgil sighs.

"Sorry for ruining your day."

"You didn't ruin it at all." replies Roman almost immediately.

"Yeah, right. You dreamed of spending a half of a day with unstable child." snorts Virgil.

"You're not a child." says Roman and Virgil immediately shifts his head. His eyes are wide-opened, completely revealed as his bangs fell everywhere around his face. Roman notices that Virgil has really nice, high forehead and his whole face in general is rather... handsome.

"Wow, you're serious." grunts Virgil but bites his lips trying to hide the small smile forming on his lips. Roman finds it utterly adorable.

"You were wrong back then by the way." he takes his chance to clear up the situation. He’s been thinking about that since they left the cafe.

Virgil raises his eyebrow, showing that Roman has his interest. Roman clears his throat and tears his gaze away from Virgil who still lies on his laps.

"I wouldn't be ashamed even if I was in the middle of a date with you. Hell no, I would be proudly showing you off to the world, claiming everyone that you are my emo boyfriend." finishes Roman.

Virgil gets up not looking into his eyes.

"Like hell you would." he mumbles sarcastically, hiding his face between his legs. The position Roman has seen before. Fear crawls down his throat. If Virgil's gonna cry... Roman lies his hand on Virgil shoulder and gently tugs him to face him. To his relief, he's not crying. He just looks... broken.

"What makes you think so?" asks Roman with concern.

"Because the only person who would be proudly dating me is in a happy relationship with my best friend." Virgil's voice breaks a little bit but no other sound comes out of his mind.

"Now, you can't know that Virgil." pouts Roman and brings Virgil's chin up.

Virgil cracks a smile.

"That's exactly what Patton would say." he says sadly.

"Well..." Roman's heart is pounding very loudly and he's almost sure Virgil can hear that "Maybe Patton and I have more in common than you think."

Virgil sighs and moves away from Roman.

"Can't tell that yet." he states calmly and pulls out his phone "Oh, look at the time. I have to go!" he gets up awkwardly "I have a date with Cynthia and my mum." he shoots a quick wink at Roman and quickly runs down the hill.

Roman watches Virgil moving away and away from him before curling on the bench. He has few things to ponder about.


	4. Cold arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman and Virgil have few mutual secrets.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self-harm scars, small anxiety attacks, (implied) abusive parents
> 
> as always you can also read this on my tumblr @royallyanxious (tagged #.collapsingstar)

"And then she said that it's a bun!" laughs Patton and Logan nods in agreement. Roman can't hold his smile. Patton wipes the tears that gathered in the corners of his eyes "You understand guys? Because it a _pun_ about _Bunny_ oh my! I couldn't stop laughing!" giggles Patton and Logan leans over to kiss Patton's ear.

Roman can't help a soft smile which forms on his lips. These two are so cute. And they change each other on better. Thanks to Patton Logan isn't as tense as he used to be and Patton... Patton is much more careful than he used to be.

"So anyway Roman, tell us how's the rehearsal going?" asks Logan.

"Ah you know a little bit of work here and there..." sighs Roman "Most of the actors are quite unexperienced to my taste... They are used to one type of performance preferred by the previous director and now it's hard to change their way of expression. But overall I think we should be ready on time!"

"My dear friend and his first very own musical..." Patton claps his hands dreamily "I'm so proud of you."

An idea appears in Roman's head. He's been thinking about it for quite a while now. Of course he doesn't want to encourage Virgil to try to hit on Patton but... to Roman's taste Virgil would have it easier if Patton stopped treating him so childishly.

"Are you planning to make all of your friends your children?" Roman raises an eyebrow. He keeps the volume and tone of his voice on light level. Years of performances make it easy for him to hide the more serious undertones.

Patton helplessly tilts his head.

"What do you mean?" he asks sheepishly. Logan seems intrigued too.

"I couldn't help but notice that sometimes you treat Virgil like he was still a child. Your child. Don't you think it may make him feel uncomfortable?" Roman shifts a little bit on his chair and rubs his hands on his jeans.

"I don't know..." Patton hums lightly. It seems that this thought hasn't occurred to him before.

"You see babe, Roman may have a point here..." Logan speaks up "Virgil is indeed no longer a child and should be treated with more serious manner. I’ve noticed it too. He has definitely grown up since the day we met him, love."

"I know but..."

"Let me finish Pat, for once..." stops his Logan but there are no aggressive undertones in his voice "At first I had few problems with getting along with Virgil but over time we grew more and more close. In fact, I'm closer with Virgil than with some of my friends from work. I've always thought that it's because I got used to his unusual... self but now that I think about it... it may as well be because he left the childhood behind." Logan crosses arms on his chest.

Both of them look at Patton quite curiously.

"Well... you may have a point..." says Patton slowly, each word is carefully picked "But it's not so easy to change one's habits."

"That it very true Patton but without trying... we may make Virgil unhappy." nods Logan “And it occurs to me that it's not something you would want."

"Of course not!" Patton's head jerks up. The look in his eyes is determined, the freckles on his cheeks seem to burn with inner fire.

"That's the spirit!" claps Roman with content. He's glad that he brought up this subject. He tries to catch in the air if it's a good moment to bring up another subject regardless Virgil meaning his family and "date” but before he does so someone rings the door.

It's been almost 3 months since Roman came back to his hometown and since then he visited Patton and Logan so often that he almost feels as if it was his home. So it's only natural that he's the one to go open the door.

He manages to slightly press the handle before someone rapidly opens them completely. Before he can see who's that, cold arms wrap around his waist. It lasts only for a second before Virgil surprised jumps away but it's long enough to make Roman's stomach swirl.

"Sorry Ro, I thought it was... someone else..." mumbles Virgil and looks away. His eyes open a little bit wider when he spots something over Roman's shoulder.

"Hi kiddo!" laughs Patton and Virgil immediately passes Roman to fall into Patton's arms. And Roman can't deny it makes his heart clench a little bit. He still can feel Virgil's cold body against his. He still can smell the scent of autumn's wind which followed Virgil to this house.

Roman can't tear his gaze away and keeps staring at his friend and Virgil hugging. It hurts him to see this scene even though he knows that he has no reason to be sad or jealous. Virgil has been known Patton for a while and they share a bond Roman can't understand. He himself is basically some stranger. Yes, Virgil told him once that he likes him but obviously he didn't mean it on deeper level.

Finally Virgil lets go of Patton and with long sigh falls onto the sofa. Roman can't help but notice that Virgil was lying just in the same way when they were sitting in the park together. His legs are curled up but the upper part of his body is lying fully on the sofa. Logan silently sits on the arm holder near Virgil's head.

"Virgil are you okay?" he asks and adjusts his thick glasses.

Virgil sighs once again and closes his eyes.

"Mother again?" suggests Patton carefully as he moves closer to the sofa.

Virgil nods.

"I just wish I could leave her behind forever." he covers his already closed eyes with his hand. "I'm not even sad, I'm just pissed!"

"Wanna talk about it?" asks Roman shyly and to his utter surprise Virgil actually looks at him for the first time he entered the flat. He wish his heart wouldn't start beating so fast.

"Not really but thank you." Virgil forces a small smile and closes his eyes again. "I just came to sit here for a bit instead of wandering around the city. Just ignore me."

"Very wise decision." Logan awkwardly pats Virgil's shoulder and gets up "Do you want some tea?" he asks before leaving the living room.

"Coffee would be a blessing." mutters Virgil under his nose.

"You know you can't drink coffee." Patton puffs and Roman blushes slightly. After all he was the one to buy Virgil coffee two weeks ago.

"Oh please after these new pills I sleep like a baby anyway." groans Virgil, a small smile wanders in the corner of his lips.

"Logan don't listen to him! Make some tea or chocolate! He can't drink coffee this is my last word." Patton puffs again and leaves the room after Logan.

Roman awkwardly sits on the floor next to Virgil. He leans against the sofa and immediately regrets his decision. Virgil's breath tickles the back of his neck, which sends small shivers down Roman's spine. He quickly moves a little bit away.

"So... you can't drink coffee?" he asks carefully and looks over his shoulder. He can't help it.

Virgil opens one eye. Playful spark dances in his dark orbs.

"I couldn’t because of the insomnia but now I'm much better. Plus the meds are really knocking me off every damn night. But Patton just doesn't want to accept it." he snorts quietly, probably not wanting for Patton to hear that.

"It shall become our little secret then." Nods Roman. He smiles a little bit. He has a secret with Virgil. No one knows about that except of _the two of them_.

"You didn't tell the boys about our little meeting?" Virgil opens the other eye and props on his elbows. He seems to be honestly interested with that. His eyes are fully focused on Roman.

"N-no." Roman mentally curses for stuttering and turns away his gaze.

"Why?" dwells Virgil.

"I don't know really. I guess I didn't know if you wanted me to share this." It's much easier to talk to Virgil when Roman's not looking at him and yet he still feels a little bit nervous. _Wasn't Roman always known for his confidence?_

"Nice of you that you care about my opinion." Virgil sounds impressed but Roman doesn't dare to look at him again. They sit in complete silence. The noises from the kitchen seems to be far away. The air is thick with unspoken thoughts. Roman's hands are getting more and more sweaty. He feels a move behind him on the sofa.

"I'm gonna go, help them in the kitchen." says Virgil and Roman absently nods. He sits alone in the room but not for so long because Virgil almost immediately comes back.

Roman brings himself to look at the silhouette standing in the door. Virgil bites his trembling lips, his eyes are running around the room. Roman stands up instantly.

"I think I shouldn't have seen that..." whispers Virgil and shakily comes closer to Roman. His arms are opened already and oh, it feels _so good_ when Virgil's arms wrap around his waist again. Roman's hand like before dives  in the soft nest of Virgil's purple and black hair. He gently runs his fingers through tangled hair, trying to calm down soundlessly shaking Virgil.

"Are they...?" he doesn't dare to finish the question and Virgil nods to his chest.

"These a-are the w-worst moments..." his voice is so quiet that Roman has troubles with hearing everything clearly "I-I can stand so-oft kisses, I'm okay with hugs and the-ese long stares but..." his voice breaks.

"Shh... I know, I know..." mumbles Roman and hugs Virgil even tighter. He feels conflicted. From one hand it feels amazing to have Virgil in his arms but the reason why the boy is there is just heart-breaking.

Roman would love this moment to last forever but way too soon Virgil moves away a little bit calmer.

"Do you want to go?" asks Roman shortly and Virgil, still unable to say something afraid that his voice won't listen to him, simply nods. Roman quietly grabs all his stuff and makes his way to the hallway, letting Virgil to lead the way. As he does so he takes a quick glimpse to the kitchen. Logan has Patton pressed to the contour with his hands on the latter's hips while marking Patton's neck with heated kisses. Roman gulps and looks at Virgil's bag. His black hoodie, pale neck and messy hair.

They put on the shoes in completely silence, not too fast, not too quiet. That is until a soft but quite loud moan comes out from the kitchen and Virgil instantly looks like he was about to throw up. Roman quietly opens the front door and lets the younger male out.

He closes them just as quiet and sends a text to Logan.

 **_Roman:_ ** _Virgil and I didn't want to interrupt you two guys ;) don't worry I will take him home._

His face gets red as he presses "send" and he's glad that he can blame that on the cold, autumn night.

\---

Virgil is even more quiet than during their first ride. Luckily Roman remembers the whole way to Virgil's house. He stops in the same exact place as before and only then Virgil looks around.

"Oh, we're here..." he sounds surprised.

"Yeah..." Roman does his best to hide the sadness in his voice. He doesn't want to let Virgil go in this state. Heck, he doesn't want Virgil to go at all.

"D-do you think you can drive me a little bit closer?" asks Virgil hesitantly, not looking at Roman "It's not far away b-but the night is cold and..."

"Of course I can." beams Roman and turns on the engine.

"Just go down the street." Virgil gestures down the dark street in from of them. There are hardly any lamps there, the only light comes out of the flats in black blocks. Roman drives really slowly and carefully waiting for Virgil sign. Finally Virgil raises his hand and Roman stops instantly.

Virgil looks through the window by Roman's side. He's leaning a little bit and Roman feels the warmth coming from Virgil's body on his left side. He gulps and tries to figure out where Virgil is looking. Few windows have light coming out of them, few don't have. Someone's standing behind one of the window and Virgil groans before moving back at his seat. He doesn't open the door, nor looks at Roman, his hand absently travels to his lips and Roman can see how its trembling.

"You know what?" Virgil breaks the silence trying to sound confident but Roman has been working at theater for years. He can point bad actors right away. "Maybe just... drop me somewhere in the city-center. I should take a walk..."

Roman doesn't try to argue. He turns on the engine.

He knows exactly that he's not leaving Virgil here. But he also knows he's not gonna let him wander around the town aimlessly.

\---

"Get out." says Roman after parking the car. Virgil still seems to be completely dazed. He blinks at Roman before looking around.

"B-but..."

"You're going to sleep at my place tonight. Now get out of the car, it's cold here." groans Roman and takes the car-keys out of the ignition switch. Maybe it's still the shock or maybe it's something in Roman's voice but Virgil gets out without any sign of disagreement.

Roman is really tired after the day but he can't hold the excitement forming in his stomach as they walk up the staircase in the modern building in which Roman lives. He knows it's nothing. He just did what any reasonable man would do- lend a helping hand to a friend in need but as he lets Virgil into his apartment, he has to hold his breath.

Virgil stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. Hopelessly looking around. The furniture in the house are mostly beige and soft red and Virgil in his black clothes looks so adorable that Roman has to look away.

"Make yourself at home. The bathroom is behind this door if that's what you need..." Roman points at the door next to him. "You will be sleeping in my room tonight and I-"

"No." Virgil shakes his head "I would prefer the sofa... I don't wanna burden you too much."

"But-"

"Please? Just let me..." Virgil's cheeks turn pink and he starts playing with the rubber bracelet around his wrist.

"Okay." nods Roman although he would prefer Virgil to sleep in the bedroom but the small "please" makes him completely defenseless. "Do you want some tea or something? Because I'm not making you coffee at..." Roman glances at the clock "...11pm. I will make you one in the morning."

"Really?" for the first time since they left Patton's house, Virgil lights up and so does Roman.

"Sure. We'll just add this to the small list of our little secrets."

Virgil chuckles.

"We have a deal then."

\---

Virgil is the first one to take a shower, using Roman's t-shirt as the upper part of his pajama. Roman blushes seeing that aside of that younger male is wearing only his boxers. His legs are slim and pale and literally perfect. Roman was always the type who prefers bodies with visible muscles but Virgil's body throws this statement out of the window. Roman quickly locks himself in the bathroom trying not to dwell upon the fact that Virgil's hair get a little bit curly when it's wet and that it's probably the most adorable thing on the earth.

When he comes back, he's surprised to not find Virgil on the sofa where he left him. Roman's heart start beating faster. _What is he left? With wet hair? He's gonna catch cold. Not to mention all of these..._

Soft, muted sob comes out of Roman's bedroom. And Roman knows this sound way too well. Virgil is sitting in the middle of the bed, curled in little ball. Tears are running down his face, his eyes are red and breath uneven.

"I-I so-sorry... I shouldn't..." he stutters upon seeing Roman and tries to get up from the bed. Roman immediately rushes by his side. He doesn't hesitate as his arm wraps around Virgil's waist.

Virgil's head lands on Roman's shoulder and the older man feels as the tears from Virgil's eyes create a small wet stain. He couldn't care less. Roman looks down at Virgil's feet. His toes are curled as if he was trying to grab something with them. In the same moment Virgil's hand lands on Roman's chest and grabs his t-shirt.

Virgil smells _so_ amazing _._ The scent which at first Roman thought was the scent of the autumn air, turns out to be natural Virgil's one. Mixed with Roman's vanilla soap, it creates an addictive stir and Roman's head lands on Virgil's as he tries to get closer to the source of the fragrance. He can feel that under his touch Virgil calms down and it makes his heart beat even faster. He has no idea for how long they are sitting like that but he doesn’t feel tired anymore.

Roman looks down at Virgil's thighs marked with white scars. If he didn't know that Virgil hides them every day, he wouldn't say that he ever self-harmed. Sure, Virgil looks quite... dark but the way he speaks the way he smirks and laughs... It all makes him look so healthy. It hits Roman how much he knows about what's going on inside of Virgil head. How little does he know about him. How much he wants to learn. He tenses up a little bit and Virgil feels that as he moves away. He stopped crying quite a while ago but Roman didn't notice that.

"I've told you already that I don't do that anymore." says Virgil quietly, his voice is still laced with tears.

Roman nods. His hand wants to find its way back to Virgil's waist so badly.

"It's just... my emotions are still heightened that's all..." his voice breaks once again and Roman's heart clenches. He once again moves closer to Virgil, wishing to bring nothing more than comfort. He grabs the blanket lying nearby and lies it over Virgil's shoulder. He doesn't know what he should say.

Virgil takes few deep breaths.

"You know Ro..." his voice is hoarse. Roman sits next to Virgil to the point that their thighs are slightly touching. "I've always knew that I don't stand a chance. I guess I just... didn't notice falling into him... I just woke up being deep in this shit and I just assumed instantly that it's lost fight." he sighs and Roman's hand lands on his back. "I just want to... I just want this feeling to go away. I-I just want everything to be like it was before..."

Suddenly Virgil arms are around Roman's neck and his body leans closer. Their chests are touching, breathing in one rhythm. Roman lies down and Virgil lies on the top of him. There’s nothing sexual in this motion. Virgil's sobbing again. And once again Roman feels terrible for feeling good at moment like this. Virgil is so soft, so light, so warm but unfortunately also so sad. Roman hugs Virgil tightly letting him cry as much as he wants. He can feel the beat of his heart and Virgil's breath on his neck. He closes his eyes and hums soft melody. It helps. After few minutes Virgil gets up. His cheeks are dusted with blush, perfectly visible as he's not wearing any make-up.

"I should..." he starts.

"You should sleep with me today." Roman's hears his own voice.

Virgil's blush deepens but he nods.

"Do you have you meds with you?"

Another nod.

"Take them and come back here." declares Roman and Virgil disappears behind the door.

_"What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I doing? What am I-"_

"Have you taken all of them?" Roman asks Virgil as he walks back. Silent nod.

Roman pats the place next to him and raises the sheets. Virgil shyly crawls under the cover, his hair is spilled on the golden pillow and before turning off the bed-lamp Roman takes two more seconds to just look at the amazing contrast of purple, black and gold. Virgil has his eyes closed and even though he’s not asleep he looks so peaceful that it literally takes Roman’s breath away.

“Stop staring old man.” Mumbles Virgil and brings the corner of the sheet closer to his face.

Roman chuckles soundlessly and turns off the lamp. They are lying in complete silence. Roman staring into the ceiling and thinking about his life-choices and Virgil trying to find the right position to sleep. Finally  he turns around and curls in that way that he faces Roman.

“Now you’re the one who’s staring.” Roman smirks and even though the room is quite dark changes his position so that he can face Virgil too.

Virgil groans and shifts on the bed, his foot touches fleetingly Roman’s leg and even though it was obviously an accident Roman blushes. It’s nice to have someone sleep in the same bed with you. Roman chuckles.

“What this time?” Virgil snorts trying to sink into the pillow.

“Nothing, it just feels like sleep-over.” Roman bites his lips into attempt to hide his smile even though he’s almost sure that Virgil can’t see that in the darkness.

“Oh wow!” Virgil fakes to have a squeaky voice “I think my mum is asleep bring on the nail polish!”

Roman laughs.

“I hate to be the one who throws this at you Virge but you’re a really funny guy.”

“Virge?” Virgil’s voice sounds a little bit annoyed but something in Roman’s head tells him that the younger male is smiling.

“You don’t like Virge?” teases Roman “So what should I call you then? Virgil, Virgil, Virgil…” he hums to himself “Aha! Virgil-Virgin!” he declares with triumph.

Virgil loudly whooshes the air before responding.

“I mean… you’re not exactly wrong but… it’s not something I want to brag about.” His voice is laced with shyness.

“OMG!” squeals Roman “So you’ve never-“

“No. And shut up I want to sleep.” Huffs Virgil and almost immediately flips himself on the other side. Not all the Roman can see is his own t-shirt covering Virgil’s back.

“Goodnight Virge.” Whispers Roman, his eyelids are closing slowly.

“Goodnight Ro.” The reply is quiet, sounds even shyer than the previous declaration. Sounds almost intimate.

Roman catches himself on wanting to place a kiss on the top of Virgil’s head.

His last conscious thought is _“shit so I’m the fourth wheel now”._


	5. Bobby pins and raisins

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil takes Roman out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: abusive parents (implied), therapy (mentioned)

Roman yawns. He dreamt a nice dream this night. He can't remember everything clearly but there was an open sea and warm sand and he was resting really well with his friends- Patton, Logan and Virgil. Roman keeps his eyes closed, enjoying the warmth of the bed. He stretches out his arm and bumps into something. Frowning a little bit he sleepily opens his eyes.

Virgil. He's sleeping right next to Roman curled into a little ball, being the source of warmth Roman has been enjoying this morning. Roman, carefully not to wake the younger male up, rolls on his left side to have better view at Virgil. He bites his lips, remembering the rest of his dream. _Evening. Patton and Logan left the beach and only Virgil and Roman were left. They sit on the shore and suddenly Roman's arm wraps around Virgil's waist. Virgil doesn't fight this, on the contrary- he moves closer to Roman. They sit in complete silence looking at the sea. That's all._

Roman feels as his cheeks heat up but he can't bring himself to get up.

Virgil looks so soft and peaceful. His lips are slightly opened, revealing white teeth. The small freckles on his nose and cheeks create an amazing pattern on his milky white skin. His hair is messy and tangled, the purple mix with dark brown. Roman with amusement notices that there are even few single white hair. Apparently Virgil's not a pro at dying his own hair.

It once again hits Roman how handsome Virgil his. He wants to move closer, feel the warmth of Virgil's body better and the scent of his skin more intensively but he stays where he is. It would be a sign of disrespect if he did that. Hardly romantic.

Suddenly Virgil twitches and a soft, quiet yawn escapes from his mouth. He snuggles his face against the pillow, causing his hair to move gently against the fabric. Something in this move is enchanting and Roman feels as if he has just seen something very intimate.

"Morning, sleeping dreadful." he chuckles lightly, his voice is still a little bit rough after the night and a little bit lower than usual.

Virgil immediately opens his eyes with shock. The first thing he sees is Roman smiling face and he needs few seconds for everything to click.

He groans but his muscle relax again.

"Awful nickname." he mumbles finally and annoyed hides his face in the pillow. And Roman is thankful for that because oh Virgil's morning voice is probably one of the sexiest things he has ever heard and his face is flushing red.

Roman comes to conclusion that he should run away from this situation as soon as possible before Virgil looks at him, spot that damn blush and tease the hell out of Roman. He quickly gets up, slipping his feet into his fluffy, sheep-shaped, manly slippers. He's about to walk out of the room when he hears another annoyed groan.

"Seriously? Running away when I'm not looking dude?" asks Virgil and Roman hears the sound of sheets slipping down on the floor followed with the perspicuous sound of bare feet crossing the wooden floor.

Roman doesn't know what he has expected and yet he feels a twitch of disappointment when Virgil without a word and with his head raised up, passes him by as if Roman was air. Only small smile tugged upon his lips hints Roman that it's all just a game. Soon the bathroom door loudly shuts down and Roman smiles widely. The more time he spends with Virgil the more interesting the younger man turns out to be.

\---

They meet again in the kitchen where Roman tries his best to prepare nicely looking breakfast. Usually when he's alone he either eats cereal or something simple but this time he has Virgil here and he wants to make something perfect. It almost feels like he and Virgil spent long, passionate one-stand night and Roman was trying to make it up to the younger. This thought sends chills down Roman's spine.

Roman is so focused on frying perfectly round egg that he doesn't even notice Virgil who has been looking at him from across the room for quite a while now. The sound of frying butter, mutes the sound of Virgil moving closer to Roman too.

"Jeez Virgil! You scared me..." He jumps with surprise when Virgil's hands land on his shoulder as he stands on his toes to see what Roman is cooking. Virgil almost immediately moves away and Roman mentally curses himself for reacting like that.

"It smells nice..." Virgil inhales the scent "Do you want me to help you with anything?" he offers after few minutes.

"If you could take out the plates... The second cabinet... Yes... No... Not, this one, the one next to it. Yes this one..." Roman instructs.

"Someone's bossy..." hums Virgil quietly and Roman gently kicks him as he walks by. "Hey! I could have drop everything!"

Roman laughs seeing how Virgil's nose crinkles, highlighting all the freckles. He lets Virgil put down all the plates before flipping eggs on them. At last he puts big mug of coffee in front of Virgil. The younger looks like it's Christmas immediately grabbing the mug and inhaling the scent.

"Oh god how I missed this sweet baby..." he mumbles with closed eyes.

"It's still hot!" points Roman cautiously watching Virgil's lips on the edge of the mug.

Virgil peaks open one eye.

"Like I care..." he mutters but puts the mug away.

They once again in silence but this time Roman can't help but to look at man sitting in front of him. Virgil has his bangs caught with bobby pins, revealing his whole bare-faced beauty. It makes Roman feel a little bit uneasy as he watches Virgil not only without his emo-persona up but also wearing his own t-shirt. It's not unsettling view though. Actually Roman likes it quite a lot.

Virgil catches the glare.

"What are you staring at, huh?" he asks rebelliously.

"Just... You look weird without your make-up on." replies Roman honestly and immediately adds "I mean good-weird."

Virgil arches his eyebrow.

"The only weird one here is you." he shrugs the comments off "I don't have my usual emergency make-up bag with me. Forgot to take it from the house." his voice drips with disgust when he's saying "house".

"Do you want me to drop you off there?" asks Roman carefully.

Virgil taps the surface of the table while sipping his coffee. He shifts his gaze from his finger on Roman and then on the clock.

"Don't you have somewhere to be today?" he clicks his tongue finally, replying with a question. Virgil nervously licks his lips. Roman can clearly tell that he's anxious.

"It's Sunday. I have nothing to do today."

"You're always free..." hums Virgil still a little bit tensed.

"Aren't you too?" Roman tilts his head.

Virgil chuckles.

"True. But I usually follow some kind of a routine. Unless I help mother at work." The last sentence is clearly more quiet.

Roman is shocked. Helping his mother at work? But his mother... Does it mean that Virgil... Roman's eyes open widely eyeing Virgil who snorts with embarrassment.

"Not like that, idiot. I just... You know fill the papers or print some things... Stuff like that. It takes surprisingly a lot of time." Virgil shifts on his seat, still a little bit uncomfortable. Roman can feel that they are walking on a muddy topic so he decides to change it and share his concerns later.

"And what is your usual routine?"

"Nothing much. I spend a lot of time at the library. Reading and studying. Logic recommends me books and I read them and then we discuss about that!" Virgil's eyes shine up a little bit.

"Logic?" purrs Roman with curiosity.

"Yeah, sometimes I call Logan this way. Since you know..." Virgil gets up "He's always so damn logical. It's our little inside joke. No one other uses that nickname. Not even Patton."

Roman watches as Virgil puts all the dishes into the dish washer before he stands up too. He stands awkwardly in the middle of his own house, not really knowing what should he do next. And more importantly what should he do with Virgil.

"Get ready." says Virgil suddenly, not looking at Roman "I will show you one place and then... we will go to take some of my stuff."

\---

Virgil turns on the radio in Roman car and puts the address in the navigation.

"Is it far away from here?" asks Roman.

"Not really..." replies Virgil smugly "Don't worry Ro, I'm not taking you to any sketchy bar." he laughs sarcastically seeing Roman's confused expression.

They are driving for approximately half an hour before navigation proudly announces that they have reached their destination. Roman skeptically looks at the small, empty parking in front of them.

"Are you sure this is the right place?" he asks Virgil unsurely.

"Yep. Park somewhere, from here on we have to go on foot." Virgil declares casually.

They go off the car and Roman lets Virgil lead the way. They walk through small forest which Roman didn't know exist. The trees are hardly green anymore and the air smells like wet leaves and ground but Roman doesn't mind. Virgil walks just next to him in silence but from the way he moves Roman can tell that he's quite confident about where are they going. After 10 minutes of walk they surprisingly (to Roman) land on a small beach next to the lake.

The view takes Roman's breath away. Even though the sky is a little bit grey, the lake is still deeply navy. Virgil walks on a small wooden jetty which shakes under his combat boots. Roman takes a step and jetty trembles under his legs. He tightly grabs the wet, wooden handrail.

"Virgil, are you sure it's safe?" he asks shakily. It's not that he's afraid of water he just... doesn't really fancy a surprising bath in cold lake.

Virgil chuckles quietly.

"Here you go your Highness." he says and reaches out his hand to Roman who gladly takes it. Virgil's hand it pleasantly warm and Roman absently twirls their fingers together before taking another few steps. With Virgil by his side he feels much more confident.

They finally arrive to the end of the jetty and Virgil let's go of Roman's hand. Last few meters Roman has walked without shaking the whole things but he kept their hands tangled as long as he could. As Virgil lets go off him, he almost reaches to grab his hand again. Instead he rests his arms on the handrail and lays the chin on his right palm. The view is really beautiful. The wind gently strokes the branches of the trees standing on the opposite side of the shore. The lake is small and completely surrounded with the forest.

"Do you mind if I smoke?" asks Virgil and Roman finally brings himself to look at him. He has a cigarette between his lips but he still hasn't lightened it up.

"Your life, your choice." shrugs Roman and turns away his gaze. The scent of autumn forest mixes with the scent of cigarettes.

"I wanted to thank you Roman." says Virgil finally still staring into the other shore. His combat boots lightly kicks the air above the water. "For having me tonight. I just... It wasn't a good idea to come to the guys’ place yesterday." he admits.

"How could you know that this will happen?" Roman watches small fume of smoke blending into the air.

"I suspected it may happen. I mean... It has happened before so..." he prompts his elbow on the handrail "I should just you know... give up on this odd addiction."

"You mean smoking?" suggests Roman.

"I mean Patton." Virgil sighs and puts down the cigarette "I really want him to be happy. I seem to slow everything down. I don't want to burden him anymore. I just... shit happens and Patton is the first person I think about. And the next one is Logan so... It hardly works either."

Roman brings himself to look back at Virgil. His hair is a little bit messy and Roman with amusement notices that Virgil forgot to take off one bobby pin. He reaches out and gently touches Virgil's bangs. The younger man looks at him puzzled. Roman carefully untangles and takes out the pin. He raises it on the level of Virgil's eyes.

"You had this in your hair." he takes a deep breath "So let me take it so that next time you will crash at my place you have something to hold your angsty hair." he sends a soft smile, hoping that Virgil will get the suggestion.

Small fireflies light up in Virgil's eyes as he understands what Roman has just said. Roman can't help feeling a little bit warmer inside. Virgil is so beautiful when he's happy, it almost blinds Roman to watch. ~~Why did he have to fall into someone who is in love with his friend?~~

"Thanks Ro." says finally Virgil smiling slightly as he caresses his precious bangs with fingers. "I think we can go now... I mean... Mommy should be out of the house by now."

Roman nods but a small idea sparks in his head.

"Promise me that you will take me here once more. I'm not sure if I know the way right and..."he stops for a seconds hoping that Virgil won't notice his hesitation "...This is perfect place to go to with a significant other." he blushes slightly and drops his gaze.

Virgil lets a quiet "woohoo".

"I thought you are single though." he points with amusement.

"I am." Roman looks Virgil right in the eyes.

"O-okay, whatever. I like this place anyway." Virgil clears his throat and is about to go down the jetty again and Roman stops him and with a shy smile looks down at Virgil's hand, Virgil bites his lips and hesitantly grabs Roman's hand. It's a little bit colder than before "I swear Ro... You're... I mean... shouldn't you be more, I don't know... brave?" he mocks quietly as they cross the jetty.

"I can face the devil when the situation requires. But I can't be brave all the time. One shouldn't test their luck, you know." shrugs Roman.

Virgil chuckles.

"Nicely played."

They go off the jetty but this time Virgil doesn't untangle their fingers. They continue to hold hands until they reach the car. Roman doesn't know what to think about this.

\---

"So off to your house we go?" asks Roman before turning on the engine.

Virgil nods.

"Sadly we have to..." he says and pulls out his phone. The sign that he's anxious. Roman puts the address to the navigation and slowly they leave the empty parking. This time Virgil doesn't turn on the radio.

After few minutes of silence Roman decides to speak up.

"Virgil, may I ask what happened between you and your mother yesterday? I mean don't misunderstand me, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to but-"

"Mommy found out." Virgil cuts Roman quickly "She found out that Cynthia and I fake our relationship. And she kind of freaked out. That's all. I couldn't stay there. She would have beaten me to death."

Roman feels as if someone punched him right into stomach. He stops the car abruptly.

"She beats you?" he gasps staring at Virgil who, unable to keep the eye-contact, looks away.

"...Sometimes."

"Oh my goodness Virgil!" Roman accidentally beeps the horn and Virgil flinches mumbling “dude” under his breath.

“Virgil, I’m serious! This is not something to brush off! What does Patton think about it? Or Logan? How is it possible that they still let you live with her?” Roman shakes Virgil's shoulder but the other only runs his gaze away from him. Roman stops shaking, completely shocked "Virgil?" he asks in much more quiet and calm voice "Do they know about that?"

Virgil stares into the surface of the road.

"No." he says almost soundlessly.

Roman needs a minute to proceed everything. The silence between them is cold and numb, scaring Roman to the bones.

"B-but I thought that you tell them everything?" he finally stutters out.

Virgil snorts.

"There just wasn't a good occasion to do that. And I asked my psychologist to avoid this subject if I'm with Patton." He explains quietly.

"But Virgil!"

"Just leave it Roman." Virgil finally looks at the latter, his nostrils are a little bit wider, his eyes burn with rage "And don't you dare to tell Patton or Logan about that. Just... don't do this." his shoulder drop a little bit "Please?" he asks with hope in his voice.

Roman is conflicted. He knows that telling Patton is right thing to do but... he shouldn't be the one who tells him. If Virgil doesn't want to tell Patton then Roman shouldn't to that either. It was all about respecting Virgil's decisions. Besides his doctor knew about it so… if he didn’t insist on that then Roman shouldn’t do that either.

"Okay." says Roman finally and turns on the engine "But promise me something first-" he raises his index finger and points it at Virgil "If ever, like ever you feel in danger because of your mother just call me, okay?" He lets his hand drop right on Virgil’s thigh. Roman gently squeezes it.

Virgil hesitantly nods and Roman smiles with content.

"Now give me your phone." he says and opens his palm. Virgil looks at him trying to figure out what Roman is up to "Give me your phone Virgil. You'll need my number to call me."

Virgil lets an annoyed sighs but puts the phone into Roman's hand. Roman quickly types in his number and sends a text to himself. The quiet ding is heard in the car, Roman hands the phone back to Virgil.

"Let’s go." groans Virgil "The sooner we'll be there, the sooner we can leave."

\---

It takes them almost an hour to arrive to Virgil's house. The street in the day-light look a little bit less intimidating but still... Roman can hardly say that it's welcoming. Virgil jumps off the car but before closing the door he shyly leans a little bit forward.

"Are you going with me or..." the hesitation in his voice is clear but Roman immediately spots also something else- hope. Hope that Roman will go with Virgil because apparently, basing on his restless eyes, the younger male is scared.

Roman smiles genuinely trying to give Virgil a little bit of courage.

"Of course I will go." says Roman and locks the car.

Virgil goes first. They quietly climb upstairs meeting no one on the staircase. They paint on the walls is dirty and it's clear that the building seriously needs a renovation. When they arrive the 3rd floor Virgil stops and nervously takes out the keys from the back pocket of his black jeans. He tries to put the key into the keyhole and Roman can't help but notice how his hand is shaking. Soundlessly he takes Virgil hand and takes out the key. The door is brown and look pretty heavy but the lock works smoothly as Roman turns the key inside. He lets Virgil go inside first.

The apartment is quite spacious. The corridor is long and on the both sides of it there are many closed and opened doors. Virgil doesn't bother to take off his shoes, cautiously looking around as if he was trying to spot a danger. Suddenly something black runs over to him and Virgil smiles lightly.

"Hey you." he mutters softly and caresses the cat's fur "I missed you too girl."

His face expression is so soft that Roman has to rub his eyes to make sure if he's not seeing things. Pale fingers run through the velvet fur, his movement are perfectly gentle and peaceful and something about this scene makes Roman's heart clench. The cat starts purring and Roman is almost sure he would also purr if he was in this cat's place.

Virgil notices finally that Roman's staring at him and straightens up. He clears his throat.

"No comment about that. This girlie is my child." he huffs quietly and Roman chuckles.

"Sure, you gotta keep that bad-ass attitude up, right?" he teases Virgil and in exchange earns a playful kick. He doesn't even bother to pretend that it hurts.

Virgil lifts up cats and sits her over his shoulder. The cat seems relaxed and used to this situation as she keeps purring quietly.

"You can stay here. I'm just gonna grab some stuff." says Virgil and rushes down the corridor, disappearing in the last door. Roman awkwardly crosses arms on the chest. He can't help but be a little bit curious of the place. The first door to his right are slightly opened and he peaks inside. It seems to be a living room but Roman has never seen a living room as messy as this one. There are magazines and dirty plates everywhere. None of these things seem to belong to Virgil though. Apparently he doesn't spend much time in this room.

"Do you know that sneaking around is rude?" whispers Virgil to Roman's ear and the latter jumps up. Virgil chuckles upon seeing the reaction. "That's the second time today I've managed to scare you. I could grow used to doing that! You're hilarious." he snorts in addition and Roman cannot point if he's heart is beating so fast because he got scared or is it because of that Virgil said.

"Sorry." mutters Roman instead and turns around to face Virgil.

"I see that mother didn't bother to clean up, huh? That happens quite often. I sometimes clean up her rooms too." says Virgil barely sparing  glance at the messy room. "Follow me. I don't want you to find something you don't want to find." he huffs and turns around on the heel of his boots. Roman politely follows him, swallowing the question about what he might have found.

Virgil swings open the door to (apparently) his room. It's kept in dark colors, dark furniture, dark floor and dark, crimson walls. Virgil waves his hand in the direction of the bed.

"Sit wherever you want. I need to find something." he declares and leaves the room.

Roman awkwardly sits on the bed. He feels like a teenager in the room of his rebellious ~~crush~~ friend. The room is messy but messy in a good way. It seems that every place is placed where it's supposed to be. The bed is surprisingly big and covered with black cover with little purple spider-pattern. Roman smiles spotting small teddy bear lying next to the pillow.

The wardrobe door are opened and reveal a big collection of all sort of black and purple clothes. Among them Roman spots the sweater Virgil was wearing one day. A gift from Patton himself. He looks down at his fingers when Virgil walks back into the room carrying a black bag. He walks over to the wardrobe and drags out few clothes. Including the sweater. Then he reaches for the teddy and puts it on the top of the bag.

Finally he places the bag on the middle of the room, closes it up and sighs. Roman looks up. Virgil should fit this room perfectly but there's something about his posture and in his eyes that tells Roman that Virgil doesn't enjoy being here at all.

"So... are you done?" asks Roman carefully.

"I think so... I mean, I can't take Raisin with me anyway." mumbles Virgil while watching as cat jumps on the bed next to Roman.

"Raisin? The cat's name is Raisin?" Roman smirks.

"Something's wrong with that?" Virgil gets up and walks over to the bed. Roman feels a blush spreading on his cheeks. He really feels like a teenage boy again.

Virgil throws himself on the bed and lets Raisin jump at him. His hand absently travels through the cats fur.

"I would love to find her a better home. Since you know... I'm barely here and mother doesn't give a fuck about her." The cat starts purring louder.

Roman doesn't need another encouragement. His brain apparently turned down the logical thinking as he says:

"She can live at my house." he burst a blush growing on his face "If you want to..."

Virgil looks at him shocked.

"I wasn't... I didn't... You don't have to... I just said it like that..." he stutters quietly, prompting on his elbows.

"I mean it." Roman looks at Virgil. He looks gorgeous. A small smile appears on his pale face, the bangs softly falls on his forehead and his eyes shines up so brightly that Roman thinks he may just pass out.

Virgil's lips spread in even wider smile.

"I will consider your offer." He sits up to properly face Roman. A single reflex of the sun falls on Virgil's face, making the freckles even more visible than before. Roman takes a note that Virgil has even one or two freckles on the eyelids which is just absolutely outstanding.

Virgil flushes his eyelids and bites his lips. Both of them stay completely silent.

Roman's heart is pounding as he leans a little bit closer to Virgil, expecting the younger to move away. He doesn't. Roman feels all sort of dizzy and light-headed. He, delicately as if it was a rare butterfly, scuffs Virgil's hand. His fingers twitches a little bit but he still doesn't move away. Roman leans even closer so that he can tell the exactly difference between Virgil's black pupil and dark iris. He can feel Virgil's breath on his lips and that feeling is absolutely blissful. His lips are only few inches away from Virgil when a loud, metallic sound followed with a loud slam breaks the silence.

Virgil immediately moves away with panic in his eyes.

"Viiiirge! Are you home?" yells loud, female voice.

The change on Virgil's face is almost terrifying. He looks like a scared little puppy, trying to run away from a trap.

"Yeah, I'm here mum." he yells back and quickly points at the window. Roman looks in that direction and his eyes open-widely as he realizes what Virgil means. He uncertainly walks over to the window. Luckily there are fire-stairs. Virgil opens the window and literally pushes Roman out. Before he closes it Roman garbs his wrist and asks quietly.

"Are you sure you want to stay alone with her?"

Virgil shakes his head quickly.

"I don't but she can't see you here." he whispers quietly, fear creeping in his voice. "Go." he whimpers trying to set his hand free from Roman's embrace "Go home." he abruptly takes back the hand and closes the window.

Roman watches Virgil kicking the bag under his bed and walking out of the room. Full of worry he walks down the fire-stairs. Why did he get himself into this? Why out of all people...?

A phone rings in his pocket.

**_Virgil:_ ** _Go home, i'll let you know if I need help._

Despite the plea Roman stays in his car parked in front of Virgil's house for next hour, just in case Virgil needed help here and now.

He doesn't receive any more texts.

 

 


	6. Jingling Sound

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> there's a lot of angst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And hopefully not so many typos.

Roman nervously taps the surface of the table. His phone lies in front of him while Roman tries to burn out a hole in it. He doesn't know if he should text Virgil or if that is too much. It's been a week since Virgil kicked him out of his room through a window. It's been a week since Virgil told him that there's nothing to worry about. It’s been a week since he last heard from him. And dodged phone-calls from Patton.

Roman doesn't even know where Virgil wanted to go with his stuff. Maybe he got there and just forgot about Roman?

"I just foolishly assumed that he's going to stay with me but... he never wanted that on the first place..." he mumbles to himself getting up from the table. He walks to the coffee maker and turns the machine on. His thoughts immediately wonder to the view of relaxed Virgil sitting behind his table that one glorious morning. It's been only few days but it seems like eternity. It lasted only few minutes and yet this sight ignited fire in Roman's stomach. Fire which doesn't seem to burn out until now.

Roman runs a hand through his hair watching the mug fill with dark liquid. He doesn't even like coffee this much.

If Virgil was seeking for help where would he go at the first place? Patton. But Roman doubts that Virgil went there. Or at least planned to. No, not after what happened last time. Roman leans over the table and sharply inhales searching for the memories of Virgil’s scent in the air.  Nothing. All he can smell is coffee.

Roman grabs the phone. His heart starts beating harder upon seeing a new message.

**_Virgil:_ ** _In need of caffeine. can I come over?_

Roman won't say that he screamed quietly but that's exactly what he did. His fingers quickly move across the screen typing the response as he grins widely.

**_Roman:_ ** _You're always welcome here._

He doesn't even get time to put his phone to the pocket when someone lightly knocks the door. Roman opens the door to see Virgil leaning against the door-frame with a small smirk tugged in the corner of his lips. This time he wears leather jacket paired with a dark purple shirt. And of course he has a full make-up on. Roman has to admit that Virgil looks flashing hot. The scent which reaches Roman's nostrils as Virgil confidently walks in, makes his mind go swirl and he has to fight the urge to bring Virgil close and keep him in his arms forever. It takes him a little bit time to move from his spot. He walks into the room to see Virgil sitting happily on the table and sniffing his coffee. The jacket hangs on the chair nearby.

"You were quick with this coffee man!" points Virgil, delicately sipping his beverage.

Roman doesn't inform him that he actually took a sip of this mug already and that it's his coffee. He doesn't feel like drinking it anyway.

"I could tell the same about you." Smirks Roman confidently watching as Virgil's cheeks red up under the foundation. Roman's unlocked phone lies, like a final evidence in this case, in the middle of the table.

Virgil puts away the mug with rest of the coffee, his legs are loosely dangling on the edge of the table. The tips of his toes barely reach the ground. Roman takes few steps closer and Virgil bites his lips.

 _"I could just box him between my arms and..."_ Vivid vision crosses Roman's mind but he quickly pushes it away. Instead he sits on the table next to Virgil, bumping into his arm delicately.

"So...?" asks Roman carefully "What brings you here?"

Virgil sighs quietly.

"Mother... and stuff..." he waves his hand as if it was something not worth attention.

"Tell me." nudges Roman "If you feel comfortable enough." he adds after a moment a silence.

"That's the problem Roman." Virgil brings himself to look at the older man. "I _do_ feel comfortable enough around you." he tears away the gaze and takes the mug with coffee back to his hands.

"And that's a bad thing?" Roman arches his eyebrow.

"I can't tell that yet." hums Virgil and captures the edge of the mug between his lips. They silently move as Virgil drink the beverage. He look so warm and soft and Roman has to force himself to look away feeling the redness growing on his ears. As if that wasn't enough as soon as Virgil empties the mug he closes his eyes and lets out a quiet moan. He looks absolutely blissful.

"Woah there, save these sounds for the night." jokes Roman awkwardly trying to hide away his own embarrassment.

Virgil opens his eyes and raises his eyebrows. His eyes create perfectly round orbs staring into the depths of Roman's soul before the younger man breaks into laughter.

"And here I was thinking you don't know what humor is." he snickers quietly and a bunch of butterflies twirls in Roman's stomach. Virgil has very melodic laugh which somehow resembles honey. It's dark and thick and Roman can feel as its sweetness fills up his lunges and heart. He hasn't felt that since really long time and he wishes for nothing more to just hug Virgil tightly.

That brings him back a certain memory. When they were at Virgil's place... They almost kissed. He was leaning closer and closer and Virgil didn't move away. If Virgil's mother didn't interrupt them back then would they...? Should Roman redefine their relationship? Should they talk about it now? Many questions swirl in Roman's head, mixing with the sweet sound of Virgil's laugh.

Suddenly for the second time this evening someone knocks the door. The knocking is impatient and a little bit more aggressive than before. Virgil arches up his eyebrow.

"Guests?" he asks mockingly.

"I don't expect anyone..." frowns Roman and pushes himself off the table. Virgil follows his moves except he doesn't walk on the hallway, staying in the kitchen instead.

Roman crack opens the door and a very energetic figure immediately runs into the apartment followed by much more calm man.

"Roman!" screeches Patton loudly "I finally caught you! You literally stole our little Virgil! I don't know what he told you but-" he waves his hands in every possible direction before Logan cuts him.

"Pat has a point Roman. You shouldn’t take Virgil back to his place. His relationship with his mother is pretty complicated. And sending that text? It sounded like you two were running away from us." he points coolly, carefully eyeing Roman who raises his hands up, trying to show that he means no harm.

"Guys, chill actually Virgil-"

"Spent that night here, thank you very much I can take care of myself." a calm voice coming from the kitchen drags everyone's attention. Virgil stands confidently in the middle of the hallway. His arms are crossed on his chest and his eyes shine with a challenge. Roman feels as his jaw drops. This is not the same Virgil who was sitting on his table just a few minutes ago. This Virgil fights for his own and tries to define his place in this world.

"Virgil!" melts Patton and immediately materializes next to Virgil wrapping his arms around the younger man. Roman's heart clenches as he notices the barely visible change on Virgil's face. He relaxed down under Patton's touch and yet Virgil almost instantly pushes him away.

"Hi Pat." says Virgil weakly. "Hi Lo." he awkwardly looks over Patton's shoulder.

"Virgil." smiles Logan nodding lightly "I'm glad that you are alright. Now, will you clear on why you left two left in such a rush last week and in addition you, young man, did not pick up your phone even once?" Logan raises an eyebrow, his gaze shifts from Virgil to Roman. His words hang in the space between them and even though the question was directed to Virgil, Roman feels as if he was the one who is called out to response to it.

"I needed some time and I..." Virgil looks completely lost, hopelessly looking for help. Roman can feel Virgil's dark eyes fixed at himself but he can't bring himself to look up.

"Let's not discuss it here kiddos!" beams Patton, noticing the awkwardness. He gently ruffles Virgil's messy hair and wraps his hand around Virgil's arm.

"I'll make you some coffee." offers Roman quickly, moving along the walls to the kitchen. The rest settle down in his small living room. Patton tries to keep the chit-chat going but the heavy atmosphere thickens the air. Roman is surprised when he realizes that it comes from Logan whose glare doesn't leave Roman's wide back. He knows that glare way too well. Back in high-school he felt it on himself every time he cheated on the test. A betrayal mixed with disappointment. Logan never approved cheating. The question is-why?

Roman's hands shake a little bit when he takes the cups out of the cupboard to put them on the trey. Quiet jiggling sound seem to reveal his nervousness even more. He's about to pour the coffee but before he reaches out for the coffeepot, a pale hand decorated with dark purple nails grabs the handle.

"I'll take care of that..." mumbles Virgil quietly not looking up at Roman. His movements are careful and patient. Virgil squeezes his slim body between the counter and Roman, pouring coffee into the cups. Roman can feel Virgil's body pressed to his hips, his stomach and his chest. _He's so close._ Roman's fingers twitch nervously. If they were alone... he don't think he would be able to resist the urge to wrap his hands around Virgil. _He smells so good._ Roman watches as Virgil pours coffee into the last cup knowing that soon the younger will move away. It's a painful thought.

The next few seconds comes as a blur. Roman leans a little bit bending Virgil forward, pressing his chest closer to the younger's back. His hand sneakily brushes Virgil's waist as he reaches out to grab the sugar and instantly steps away as the glassy container finds its place in Roman's hand. He can feel that his face is burning. His heart is pounding. Why did he do it?

Virgil doesn't look at Roman as he passes him by walking with the coffee. Roman doesn't look in his direction either. They sit on the opposite side of the coffee table. Roman sits on the couch while Virgil takes the only armchair. He immediately curls his legs up to his chest and rest head on the knees.

"There's not much to tell honestly..." everyone are surprised that Virgil's the one who brings up the subject his voice is monotone and calm "I was just tired and you guys were busy so I asked Roman to drop me home. We went there and I panicked seeing mother in the window. Roman offered that I can stay at his place for this one night. I agreed. That's it." he finishes up.

"Oh that's so kind of you Roman!" smiles Patton brightly, patting Roman's lap. Roman smiles faintly and nods "But you know Virgil, that no matter how occupied we are, you can always stay. You're family!" chirps Patton cheerfully and adds more sugar to his coffee.

"I still can't believe that you add sugar to your coffee in my presence Pat." snorts Virgil wrapping arms around his legs. Roman smiled missing the concerned look at Logan's face.

"So how about today Virgil?" asked Patton completely ignoring younger's remark and quietly stirring his coffee.

"I got it covered. Mommy won't be home today. Business issues." sighed Virgil. Roman's heart ached lightly, maybe he hoped, maybe just a little bit, that Virgil would stay here today too. The rest of the conversation rolls peacefully as the sun behind the windows slowly disappears behind the horizon. In the meantime Roman with Patton's decides to help quickly prepares some dinner. Virgil for most of the time keeps staring into his phone, occasionally commenting on something to Logan. Roman does his best to keep his gaze focused on the food and his mind on Patton but both his eyes and head run back to Virgil whenever he has time.

"Dinner's ready!" announces Patton proudly, putting steaming strew on the table. Logan immediately gets up to help his boyfriend while Virgil with his eyes fixed on the ground follows him.

Roman once again sits on the opposite side of the table to Virgil. He can see that the younger male seems to be a little bit upset. He seems to be dozing off, even though he from time to time adds a remark or two into the conversation. Roman notices that he plays with his food too. It takes a lot of courage but after long inner debate Roman gently brushes a feet against Virgil's leg. Virgil immediately looks up a little bit confused only to see Roman smiling to the salad on his plate. He smirks to himself, biting his lips a little bit.

"What are you smiling at Virge?" asks Patton munching the carrot.

Roman's s head jerks up and Virgil blushes a little bit.

"I j-just... recalled this one... s-situation..." he stutters quietly and shovels a spoon into his mouth.

"Awwww..." squeals Patton.

"It's wonderful to see you cheered up Virgil." smiles Logan nodding "What was the situation about Virgil?" he asks curiously.

All the eyes land at Virgil who shifts uncomfortably on his chair.

"A-actually..." he rolls the baby carrot on his plate before looking up and sending Roman wide smile "Actually Roman snores, did you know that?!" He sticks the carrot on his fork and points it at Roman.

"Yeah?" smirks Roman mentally agreeing on the challenge. "You snuggled, ha! Practically was making out with my pillow!" he laughs at the memory. It was the cutest shit he's ever seen but he keeps that one thought to himself.

"Oh really? Did you know that when you sleep you make yourself a freaking burrito? I thought that at some point you would sandwich me between yourself and the blanket!" giggles Virgil and Roman notices that his eyes curls into small crescents whenever he's laughing.

"Your body temperature is literally burning hot when you're asleep!"

"Oh yeah?" Virgil smirks cockily "How do you know it wasn't because of you next to me?" he winks at Roman who flashes red. He can feel that his face is tomato red. The blood rushes under his skin as he tries to put down the crawling hopeful thought that Virgil didn't mean that as a joke. He barely notice that suddenly everyone around the table became silent. Roman blinks and looks around himself. Virgil has his gaze fixed at his place again, Logan looks like he has just smelt something weird and Patton's eyes are almost falling out of his face.

"W-what?" asks Roman, cursing himself for stuttering like that.

"Y-you guys s-slept together?" Patton's voice is quiet as if he was afraid to ask this question.

"Well yes, I mean-" starts Roman a little bit confused on why would that be an issue when Virgil abruptly interrupts him.

"We slept in one bed! Only this! Nothing more! Only in one bed!" he shakes his head while his eyes are closed.

Roman's blush deepens. So Patton and Logan must have thought that _... Oh gosh._

"Yes!" Roman declares sharply "Only in one bed! We didn't..." he gulps quickly " We didn't… o-or anything!"

Patton sighs with relief. He's not smiling but Roman can see that he's much calmer now.

"Sorry Virgil. And you too Roman. It was my mistake. Of course Roman would pursue a child!" he flashes a bright smile to Roman but before the other gets to reply Virgil gets up from his place.

"I'm not a child! When will you get it Pat? I'm not a child anymore! I know I’m not a fucking adult but… treat me my age damnit! I know what sex is Pat, can we just… stop pretending that I’m 5?" The look in Virgil's eyes is burning, almost aggressive, Roman has never seen it before. Virgil presses his fingers against the surface of the table to the point they look white and bloodless. Patton dumb folds.

"Well of course, I know that you're not a child but..."

"No!" hisses Virgil "No, actually you don't. Or maybe you do know but don't understand that? I don't know anymore!" he groans.

"Well I do know that you are officially an adult, I do know that you have a girlfriend, I know that-" counts down Patton.

"Geezzz..." wheezes Virgil "I'm not dating anyone. Can't you see that..." he stops and closes his eyes, trying to smooth his nerves.

Patton gets up too. The cutlery on the table rings quietly.

"Can't I see that what, Virgil?" he asks seriously fixing his gaze at the younger male.

"Never mind." says Virgil and opens his eyes.

"Tell me." demands Patton and Roman notices a broke look on Virgil's face.

"Just leave it Patton..." mumbles Logan who didn't say a  word since the beginning of the argument. "Let's give him some space."

Roman gently grabs Patton's sleeve and tugs it down.

The only standing person is Virgil who looks around at everyone. Logan who stares at his plate. Patton who looks like he was betrayed. And Roman who knows. He knows what was the at the end of the sentence. _Can't you see that I’m in love with you?_

Virgil grabs his jacket and puts it on his shoulders.

"Thanks for dinner Ro." he declares quietly before leaving the apartment. No one except Roman watches Virgil leave.

The rest of the evening is weird. Both Patton and Logan pretend as if none of this has happened. Patton passionately describes Roman about the knitting club he has registered to just recently. Logan shows Roman pictures of the scarf Patton has made for him. They laugh and they discuss but it doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t feel right. Something crawls under their skin, unspoken, strange and scary.

“Oh, look at the time Logan, we have school tomorrow, we should better get going.” Hums Patton pointing at his wrist. There’s no watch on it. No one points that they have graduated few years ago.

Roman walks his friends over to the staircase when suddenly Logan blurts:

“Oh I think I forgot my wallet!” he scratches his head “Roman would you go and help me find it? Pat you can go downstairs I will catch up on you.”

A little bit surprised Roman frowns. He clearly remembers that Logan put his phone into his pocket right after texting one of his friends about some assignment.

“But I’m sure you-“

“Roman.” Drawls Logan quietly “Can you help me find it?” he shoots a death-glare in his direction. Roman doesn’t feel like going with Logan at all but he knows that he doesn’t have a choice now.

They leave Patton on the staircase and go back to the apartment.

Roman makes sure that the door are closed before leaning against the wall waiting for some explanation from Logan.

“So?” he raises his eyebrow and crosses arms on the chest. Logan takes a few steps back and forward as if he was still deliberating if it’s worth to start the conversation.

“Look, if you brought us here for nothing then…” Roman meets Logan’s sharp gaze and immediately regrets his reproach.

“Brought you here for nothing? Brought you here?” Logan stands in front of Roman and raises his index finger “And you dare to ask me about that? Didn’t _Virgil_ ask why you brought him here?”

“Oh so it’s about Virgil now, is it?” Roman ignores the soft “puffing” sound his heart makes “Are you jealous that he found another friend?” his heart pounds loudly in his chest and he’s almost sure that Logan can hear it too.

“Friend?” laughs Logan bitterly “Oh, I wouldn’t be jealous about that. No Roman. I’m concerned about you.”

“W-why?” _shit_ he didn’t mean to stutter.

“Because you apparently find me stupid.” Logan loosens his necktie.

“I don’t-“

“You do if you think that you could hide the thing you have for Virgil away from me.” His words slice the space between them like a hot knife and to Roman it feels like they also cut away the air. He can’t bring himself to deny or at least response to that, trying only to gasp some oxygen to his lungs. Logan sighs with disappointment and looks away.

“You can’t even deny, do you?” he asks quietly “Have you even wondered about his feelings? Or were you just forcing this on him?”

“I didn’t force anything on him.”  Drones Roman “I would never… ever… force anything on him. He can make decisions for himself.” His voice is cold and protective. Protective over himself and over Virgil. “I respect his life-choices, do you? I pay attention to him, do you?”

“You are on a very thin ice Roman. Very thin.” Logan frowns, his usually cool, unreadable eyes are now burning.

“It’s nothing compared to your situation though, isn’t it?” Roman clenches his jaw, he knows that he shouldn’t bring this up but Logan started the topic himself and Roman is going to fight till the end “Because you know exactly what Virgil feels for Patton, don’t you?”

The satisfaction he feels when Logan gasps quietly is wrong and Roman knows it.

“You’re not stupid Logan. You must have noticed that.”

“I have!” groans Logan “Of course I have…” he adds much more quietly “It’s hard not to notice when you have it right in front of your eyes.” The corners of his lips falls down a little bit and Roman feels a numb guilt knocking to the door of his heart.

“I’m sorry Lo, I…”

“Don’t sweat it Roman. These are the facts. The real question is if Patton knows… In many terms he’s much smarter than me. And it frightens me sometimes…” Logan steps back “I guess I shall leave now, Pat probably wonders what takes me so long. It was pleasure to see you today Roman. “he bows a little bit before turning around “And don’t you think I will forget about this. If you lay one finger on Virgil, I will break all your bones.” Says Logan with a hand on the door handle.

“I can’t promise you anything.” Mutters Roman as Logan opens the door.

“I know.” The door close behind him.

Roman sits against the wall and hides face in his hands.

“I can’t promise you anything. And it’s all up to _Him.”_


	7. Showing out and showing in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the day of Roman's first play's premiere.

When has Roman’s life got so complicated he honestly has no idea. He knows that he should be focusing on the premiere of his very first play which takes place tonight, in a few hours, but his mind is constantly occupied with one certain emo and said emo’s absence.

He has been trying to get Virgil off his mind for days but without any positive result. Roman takes a look at the suit that's hanging on the door of his closet. He should quickly pack it to his car and go to the theater but he can't bring himself to do it. Because what if today's the day when Virgil wants to grab coffee again? If Roman wasn't here, Virgil would for sure be disappointed, right? In the same moment when this thought crosses his mind, his phone lights up and Roman clumsily unlocks the screen.

**_Patton:_ ** _Today's your big day! Dont worry- we will be there!_

Ah right. Roman has forgot that a while ago he got invitations for the show for Patton, Logan and Virgil. He hoped to see the play with them. Now he knew that since it’s his first play he will have to spend the entire time behind the stage. And of course, Virgil won’t be there. He won’t risk meeting with Patton and Logan after this fight, only to see Roman’s play.

Virgil hasn't talk to any of them since the feral evening when he snapped during the dinner. Meanwhile Roman hasn't talked to Logan directly ever since then. Patton is currently their only link. Of course, Roman isn't angry at Logan. Roman is sure that all Logan only wants is to protect his friend. After all, in the high school Roman did have a reputation of a flirt. But to think that Logan is convinced that Roman is trying to play some sick game with Virgil? That's something that was really getting on Roman's nerves. He wouldn’t dare to pull anything on Virgil if it was just a mere game. Besides… Roman not even once suggested Virgil that he’s romantically interested in him. Or at least not verbally. Not to mention that neither Patton nor Logan have power over Virgil to decide who he can or cannot date. He should be able to make decisions by himself.

Sighing Roma carefully folds his suit. It's in the dark shade of grey and Roman knows he's going to look just dashing and truly it's a pity that he can't sit among the normal audience. Instead he will be watching the show packed between an only plastic tree and a gloomy hanger.  While some old pricks who are entitled enough to afford the most exclusive lodge will be taking Roman’s office which for today is the _exclusive lodge_. The violation of his rights at its finest.

Roman arrives to the theater both resigned and nervous. He still doesn’t know what’s happening with Virgil because that damned man disappeared a week ago and didn’t even bother to text them. And it's his first play after all. His actors have been practicing hard for past few weeks. The decoration is great, Roman has taken care of that by himself. The costumes are decent. There's nothing that could go wrong and yet Roma still feels uneasy. Even though he has met many great people while working over the play, he can't call any of them his friend. Simply co-workers. And co-workers can't comfort him in this stressful moment. Besides  they have much less to lose then the director himself. If the play won't do as good as expected he can be kicked off anytime. That would mean losing and Roman doesn’t like losing.

He walks into his office only to leave the suit on the hanger. The room looks completely different now. The wall which is for most of the time covered with thick curtain is now fully revealed showing the giant window. He runs down the stairs to help out his cast with the last preparations.

After an hour they are almost done and Roman can feel the rising anxiety among the performers. Every inch of the skin glows with uncertainty. After all for some of them it's going to be a debut on the stage. Roman offers going out and buying something to eat for whole cast. Of course they gladly agree and Roman sighs with relief. One more minute in this place and he feels like he's going to explode. He's in desperate need of an air.

He walks out of the building deciding to take a walk instead of driving. The city is crowded with people coming back from work and the suffocating scent of the fumes tugs to Roman's lungs. He coughs but because of a habit. He has been raised in the city and the fumes stopped bothering his long time ago.

His steps are long as he's trying to boost his own confidence. He bites his lips recalling that he promised Patton and Logan to take them on a tour after the show. Meaning that there's a small chance he will go back home before midnight today. And he can hardly say that he got a nice, good sleep the night before. No, Roman hasn't been sleeping well for the past few weeks. It took him quite a while to understand that it all started the night after Virgil slept with him in one bed.

 _"Roman Sanders, you are ridiculous."_ he scolds himself. To be trapped in such a hopeless situation... almost pathetic when he thinks about it. Like a little boy, every morning, he misses the pleasant warmth curled right next to him and he would give everything to open his eyes only to see Virgil peacefully snoring against the pillow. Roman smiles softly. He used to treat theatre as the thing that keeps him away from the grey reality but now his heart has apparently found better, much more alive object of fantasies.

Roman's head snaps up when with the corner of his eyes he notices something purple. Hopeful and lovesick he scans the surrounding with his gaze only to see a person with deeply purple beanie on. Roman's eyes and heart have fooled him again, not for the first time in last few weeks.

He doesn't know when, he doesn't know how but somehow he finds himself on the street where apparently Virgil's mother has her business running. Roman didn’t dare to go to Virgil's house (although he was literally one step away from that street once or twice) but to visit this club? Virgil did mention that something he helps her out with paperwork. Roman's face flushes red. He has never been in such a place. A little bit torn apart with his face and heart burning from two different reasons he hesitantly opens the door to find himself in quite long but spacious hallway. The suggestive arrows lead him to go down it. He arrives to another door. This one look more modern and as he walk through them small little green bubble lights up, followed with a quiet _beep_. Roman assumes that's some kind of security precautions. Few steps more and he's standing in the middle of small round, room. He spots a small reception with a middle aged woman sitting behind it. His heart is ready to rip itself out of his chest as the lady scans him hidden behind thick glasses.

"What can I get for you sweetheart? The catalog lies over there. Most of the girls are available around this time." Roman lets out the sigh as he realizes that this voice differs from Virgil's mother voice. So it's not her. Good. It can help avoiding unpleasant situation.

"A-actually I'm looking for s-someone..." stutters Roman awkwardly, realizing how terrible it sounds as soon as the words leave his mouth.

The lady behind the desk arches an eyebrow with a polite smile.

"Like everyone here." she mocks him a little bit and Roman's blush deepens.

"No, that's not what I meant!" he exclaims dramatically, knowing that he literally keeps digging his own grave. He wants to explain more when it the same moment a young woman walks into the room and Roman immediately recognizes her. That pale blonde hair, tanned skin, something about the way she walks and her face… even though Roman has seen her only once and it was from the distance- he knows this girl "You." he says quietly looking at her.

She frowns a little bit confused but soon replaces that expression with relaxed smile.

"Sorry cookie, I'm on a break. You will have to wait a little bit longer." she smirks and turns on her heel probably planning to disappear behind the curtain until the intruder goes away. Roman is much faster though. He gently wraps his fingers around her wrist and the lady sitting behind the reception immediately gets up.

"Hey!" she grunts at Roman but he doesn't pay attention to her.

"You... You're Cynthia, right?" he breathes out quietly and girl winces before leaning a little bit forward.

"How do you know my real name?" she whispers to Roman and he can smell the delicate scent of roses coming from her.

"I believe we share a friend..." he says rapidly.

"Virgil?" she says almost soundlessly and he nods in reply. Cynthia seems to weight something in her heart before she waves at the lady in the reception to sit down.

"He's with me." declares Cynthia confidently dragging poor Roman behind the curtain. He is welcomed with the view of small yet cozy room, filled with few chairs and sofa. There are around 6 girls sitting around the table and as soon as Roman walks into the room, he can feel that he's not welcomed here.

"No costumers in here dear, unless you're willing to share him with me." girl with red hair winks at Roman.

"Shut up. He's a friend of mine." huffs out Cynthia, pushing Roman at the couch nearby.

"Still better than Virgil..." mumbled the other girl and Roman's heart immediately starts beating faster. So they know him too.

"One more word about Virgil and I will smash your face Bunny." snaps Cynthia before sitting next to Roman. If Roman wasn't fully and entirely gay he would probably be very attracted to her. Cynthia has long, slim legs, currently covered with casual black jeans. Her pale hair shine with every move and she indeed has very pretty, regular and intelligent face. "I don't have much time to bring it on mister..."

"Oh!" Roman lightly clips his hand against a forehead "Where did my manners go. I'm Roman." he bows his head slightly with shy smile on his lips. Because of an unknown reasons Cynthia chuckles folding arms on her chest.

"You're Roman?" she asks finally "Wow, who could have guessed!"

"I don't think I understand..." Roman rubs the nail of his thumb trying to quickly come up with a reason why would Cynthia know who he is.

"As you mentioned before, we share a very special friend." Cynthia winks at her, brushing her blonde her off her face. Roman bites his lips trying to stop himself from smiling. So Virgil apparently told Cynthia about him. Something fuzzy and warm blooms in Roman's stomach. The girl watches him with amusement hidden behind half-closed eyelids. It takes few minutes for Roman to get rid of the numb happiness he felt upon hearing these blessed words.

"Actually..." he says quietly moving a little bit closer to her "I wanted to ask you if you by any chance know where is he..." he whispers quietly.

A teasing smile appears on Cynthia's face.

"Why? Do you miss him?" she swirls her blonde hair around her index finger.

"No." denies Roman quickly and Cynthia's smile widens.

"Oh, you're adorable cookie." she lightly pinches Roman cheeks and abruptly gets up "My time is up and so is yours but if you need to know so badly I can tell you that he's okay and I keep an eye on him, okay?"

Roman follows her as the walk out of the room.

"That's more than enough. Thank you for your time." shakes her slim hand energetically. He would prefer to hear that from Virgil himself but for now it has to be enough. He's about to leave the reception when Cynthia's voice stops him.

"You seem to be a nice guy, Roman. Don't give up on him. He likes you more than you think." she says before the automatic door close behind Roman. He lets the smile completely spread across his face.

\---

Roman twirls in front of the tall mirror in the dressing room. It really annoys him that he had to get changed here since the "exclusive lobby" (meaning his office) is slowly filling up with the guests. The actors run around him and he can't help but smile. On the contrary to how he felt in the morning, now he feels really good. The smile hasn't crawled off his face ever since his conversation with Cynthia. So what that Virgil is currently unavailable? Apparently he remembers about Roman and genuinely likes him. Roman laughs to himself earning a very confused look from one of the minor actors.

"What can I do when my heart wants to sing with joy?" mumbled Roman to himself leaving the dressing room. He has to find Patton and Logan before the beginning of the show since he's the one who actually has to give an opening speech.

He scans the crowd which waits in front of the entrance to finally soft two a little bit lost nerds in glasses. Patton has his hand wrapped around Logan's arm. Roman, still grinning, elegantly swirls through the crowd making his way to Patton and Logan. Patton squeals with joy when he finally spots him.

"Roman! Look at you! You look so..." he tries to find the proper word for a while "Professional!" he beams finally, visibly proud of himself.

"Ah, thank you Patton, you know that I've always had a thing for handsome guys in tuxedos! Not being able to find one, I've became the man of my dreams myself!" Roman's laugh rolls across the crowd but he couldn't care less. This is his day, this is his night.

"You seem to be very relaxed Roman." points Logan arching his eyebrow and Roman instantly stops laughing. The air between them twitches as they both are very much aware of how their last conversation ended.

"Oh come one Lo!" Patton tugs his nails into Logan's white shirt "This is his night! He must be so proud of himself! Too bad Virgil couldn't make it to see your great show tonight." blabbers Patton and Roman blushes a little bit.

"Indeed it's a pity." says Logan slowly, his eyes never leaving Roman's.

"Maybe another time!" chirps Patton cheerfully "Oh look! It seems that they finally opened the entrance!" he points at the door and Roman mentally takes a note to praise the person who is in charge of dealing with audience.

"I gotta go then! Enjoy the show!" waves Roman to Patton and Logan moving away "See you from the stage." he sends them a quick wink and disappears behind the door for stuff.

\---

The noises coming from the audience slowly fade away and Roman anxiously re-reads his speech for the nth time. It's not long and after all this time you would have thought that he has no idea with remembering something that short but this one speech just doesn't seem to stick to his mind. He wrote it all by himself and he put a lot of heart into it but... the person whom he wanted to listen to it isn't here. And he can't help but feel a little bit sad because of this.

" _At least he likes me though..."_ Roman tries to calm himself a little bit but the waves of contrasting emotions still flood him from each side. He's both happy and anxious, excited and disappointed, he feels like he could do anything and yet so small.

The light beams a little bit and Roman puts the speech aside.

_"3...2...1"_

Roman walks on the stage, welcomed with loud claps. He smiles brightly looking around himself. Even if he's not acting... the stage is still his place. The dark wooden floor under his feet, the beamed light, the quiet murmur coming from the audience. He waits until the claps stop, trying to find Patton and Logan. Finally he spots someone smiling brighter than the moon somewhere in the middle row. There's a free spot beside that person.

_"He didn't come. Of course he didn't."_

Roman takes a deep breath.

"Ladies and Gentlemen..." he starts, letting his voice bounce from the walls. He loves the acoustics of this place. "I'm glad to see you all here tonight..." he stops his speech as another wave of claps fills the theatre. In the same moment the last door in the furthers corner, open slightly and someone slips into the room. None of the people on the audience pays attention but for Roman there's no one except them two in building.

 _His_ purple hair reflect small lamp which hangs nearby him throwing the dark light. His skin looks paler than usual, like a little, single snowflake falling from the black firmament of the sky. _He_ leans againt the wall, clearly not intending to go sit next to Patton and Logan. Roman tears his gaze away knowing that the applause stopped long time ago. The rest of his speech goes more smoothly than during any of his rehearsals.

The play is a big success. Everything goes better than Roman has ever had imagined it to go. The applause literally explodes the building from the inside and Roman is sure that whole cast is going to wake up with a huge head-ache. Everybody who worked over this play are in excellent mood hugging and patting each other, sharing jokes and relaxed reflections. Roman's heart grows with pride. He couldn't have been more content with the final effect.

Roman quickly runs off the stage trying to fish a young male with purple hair off the crowd which rolls out of the theatre. Just when Roman thinks he sees _Him_   he gets caught in Patton's warm embrace.

"Pat-ton buddy..." hissed Roman "I can't breathe..."

Patton a little bit grudgingly moves away.

"You did amazing job Roman!" he jumps in excitement "I haven't seen a play with better plot! I bet that you put a lot of work into this!"

"It's my talented cast that..." says Roman trying to hide the big grin on his face.

"Ah don't be so shy! We know that you're proud!" Patton cheerfully rubs Roman's arm. Under other circumstances Roman would love to stay and chat a little bit with Patton and Logan but right now he has a rather important someone to find and at least thank him for coming here.

"You really did a marvelous job Roman. I salute you." Logan's voice drags Roman back on earth. He looks into his friend's eyes. The previous awkwardness is nowhere to be found and the heavy empty feeling in Roman's chest disappears. He's glad that they have this over themselves, at least for now.

"Thank you." he says quietly, nodding slightly to Logan. Logan nods back with small smirk. They're fine.

"Now..." breathes out Roman "I know that I promised to show you around but to be honest I have some important issues to take care of and..."

"Don't worry kiddo!" Patton ruffles Roman's hair "We can do it another time! You have to celebrate today!" he keeps chatting happily but Roman can’t bring himself to pay attention to that. He stands on his toes, scanning the crowd. Somewhere far away he thinks he sees a glimpse of very purple and very messy fluffy nest. _Is it him?_ Roman blinks and whoever was that is gone. He can’t see anything purple in this see of white shirts and black suits. Roman brings himself to look back at Patton, whose gaze is fixed and him. So is Logan’s.

“Is everything alright Roman?” asks Logan squinting his eyes.

“What?” asks Roman absently still paying attention more to his surroundings than to Logan and Patton “Y-yes. I thought I… I mean… I really have to go before the cast flies away without me.” He laughs awkwardly.

Patton tilts his head but doesn’t say anything. Logan only nods but it’s clear that he’s not convinced.

“See you soon then!” Patton for the last time wraps his arms around Roman “Hope you will come visit us next week!” he adds as he moves away.

“Sure, I will.” Manages to say Roman before the crowd completely tears them apart. From the stairs Roman for a few seconds watches as Patton and Logan blend into the crowd before disappearing completely. Everybody look the same to Roman. Every face, every aura, everything is the same while he so desperately tries to find someone who has been sticking out for him in a months now.

Nothing.

Not even a pinch of purple.

He must have had left earlier. Of course he has. He wanted to avoid meeting Patton and Logan. Maybe even Roman himself too. Maybe all he wanted is to really see the show, since he had a free pass... Roman turns around on his heels slipping back into the building. Most of the guests have already left and the theatre looks half-dead.

He checks how are things going backstage. Most of the cast flew away before he managed to congratulate them properly. The decorations are still on the stage, dark mahogany chairs and bars made out of cheap paper. Roman take off his jacket and leaves in on the hanger which is part of the set. He pop opens the first two buttons of his shirt and loosens his necktie, sitting on the stage. He looks down, dangling his legs like a little child. That was a good day. Could have been better but Roman’s not in the position to complain. The lamps behind him turns off, meaning that last members of the staff have left the facility. The the only source of the light is the lamp which is actually part of the decoration. Roman starts humming and the melody bounces off the walls of the theater.

He has no idea for how long he has been sitting there but when he gets up his legs feels much heavier than before. Quiet growl escapes from his clenched teeth. He grabs his jacket, turns off the light and bids the goodbye with security.

The night has completely covered the city while he was inside. Little crescent lights up the sky and a cold blow of wind parts his jacket. Roman shivers. Seems like the winter is finally here.

“You made me wait here for you for fucking hour and now you won’t even look at me? Rude much.” Surprises Roman the deep, annoyed voice coming from behind.

Roman grins and turns around.

“You could have called, you know Virge?” he watches the younger male walk out of the shadow which was hiding him.

“And risk interrupting your sugar-sweet conversations with Patton and Logan? I don’t think so.” Virgil scowls and folds arms on his chest. The blow of the wind, ruffles his hair lightened up with the cold whiteness threw by the moon. His dark piercing gaze is fixed at Roman who shivers a little bit. Dark bag is hanging off his shoulder.

“So what are we up to tonight?” asks Roman playfully.

“Fucking coffee.” Mumbles Virgil and passes Roman quickly and directs his steps to his car.

Roman covers his mouth with the sleeve of a shirt. Well isn’t this the best day of his life?


	8. Crescents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> basically.... just read this

The silence between them is comfortable as Roman drives through the streets of the city and Virgil looks out of the window, scanning the night. It’s the middle of November and few shops already have the Christmas themed windows, shining with colorful lights.

"You did nice speechie there tonight, Ro." says Virgil after a couple of minutes, not tearing his gaze away from the view outside.

Roman smiles lightly to himself, realizing that Virgil doesn't know how much his presence meant to him.

"Actually it was going not so marvelous, I was really nervous." Roman takes in deep breath "But, when you walked in and broke the darkness in the theatre, something in my mind snapped and suddenly it was much easier." His golden eyes are focused on the road, cheeks a little bit flushed, so he misses the surprised look Virgil gives him.

"Well..." Virgil clears his throat a little but shyly "I'm glad I could help. And sorry about not looking very... emm... ritzy. I had no idea what to wear, I don't remember when was the last time I was in the theatre." he lets out a husky chuckle and Roman immediately looks at him quite. Chocolate eyes, looking darker in the middle of the night shimmer with shock.

"First of all, you look dashing Virge." starts Roman "Second of all, if that's the case then you can be sure that as long as I'm the manager you will be getting tickets for all the plays." he sends Virgil bright smile.

Roman maneuvers his car on his usual parking spot. He hasn't even realized that they arrived to the destination already. Roman jumps out of the car and jogs to open door for Virgil. Younger male frowns at gesture but gets off the car muttering under his breath something about damned gentleman which causes a light laugh in the gentleman himself. Virgil's unique sense of humor is something that Roman truly adores about him. Not that he's going to admit it anytime soon.

Virgil a little bit hesitantly plays with the strap of the bag hanging on his shoulder. It's clear that he's nervous and wants to ask something. Roman sighs mentally about the fact that Virgil's still not fully trusting him, feeling a little bit cautious in his presence.

"So...? Coffee?" questions Roman as they walk into the flat.

Virgil looks at him behind his purplish bangs as if he wasn't sure if the man isn't joking.

"It's midnight." he points quietly. "You know I won't refuse but... dude... It's midnight, are you sure?"

Roman grins widely.

"Positively." he knows that if Patton saw them right now, he would probably get a heart attack at least but Roman can't refuse himself pleasure to stay up with Virgil. Not after he lost him out of his sight for one, long week. Horrific experience he would rather never repeat again. Virgil shrugs and throws the bag next to the couch before sitting in the corner. He curls up legs to his chest but he doesn't look as unconfident and scared as he did when Logan and Patton were here last time. Roman's lips quirk up a little bit.

While the coffee maker brews the coffee Roman, leaning against the fridge, seizes Virgil up. He looks healthy. Maybe a little bit tired but he usually looks tired. His cheeks are a little bit flushed, his usual make-up is a little bit less chaotic and he can clearly see the resting of dark lipstick in the corners of his lips which leads Roman to asking himself what did Virgil do before the play.

He puts the coffee in front of the younger male, clearly snapping him out of his thoughts.

"Drink up." smiles Roman warmly before taking a sip from his own cup. The beverage spreads a pleasing warmth across him body. Virgil drinks the whole thing with practically one gulp and eyes Roman.

"Oh, no, no, no. None of these. This is already too much. Don't give me the lost puppy eyes.  I'm spoiling you and Patton would not appreciate that." Roman shakes his head and instantly regrets his decision. Virgil, upon hearing the familiar name, visibly tenses up. His cup lands on the table quietly. Roman raises up his cup and takes a sip, pretending that he didn't notice that drastic change of the atmosphere in the air.

"I've seen you talking to them." says Virgil finally, hugging his legs. His head rests on the knees as the boy turns it to his right side to face Roman. His soft features, pierce even through the dark and sharp make-up. The anxiety literally shines through the foundation. "Do they... Ugh, are they-... is everything alright?" he asks nervously.

"Mhm." nods Roman drinking up the last few drops of his coffee "Yes, they seem to be doing fine." he stares into the empty cup in his hands, the crema of the coffee still decorates the white surface of the glass "Patton was upset that you weren't there."

Virgil loudly lets out the air, forming something that faintly reminds of a laugh.

"Of course he was." The small frown between Virgil's eyebrow disappears, making the man look even kinder and more delicate "Silly Patton... I was there all the time... But that's good that he didn't see me. I didn't..." Virgil bites his lips a little bit, causing an old crack to open up again. Little drop of blood, appears around his white tooth "I wasn't there for Patton."

Roman blinks with surprise. Not even in his wildest dreams has he expected such a declaration. Board, a little bit bashful smile spreads across his face and Virgil's flush deepens.

"Well that is..." Roman carefully weights words "very kind of you Virgil."

"Of course it is." snorts Virgil but without usual sarcasm. He turns away his head and rests his chin in the space between his knees. Somehow he resembles of small child lost in a big shopping mall. Yet at the same time something about his posture, the profile of his face suggests that his soul is strong, his mind is a tough opponent and his heart is a fighter. He hasn't even notice the small drop of blood on his lips yet. And maybe he had be didn't bother to care about it? Roman can't tell. He gets up to pick up the empty cups and grab some clean tissues. With a beating heart he sits on the couch next to Virgil. Sharp, dark eyes hidden behind the bangs cautiously follow Roman's every move.

As gently as he can Roman grabs Virgil chin. For a pinch of a second he sees a spark of fear he has seen in his eyes before. It's a fear of a trapped animal. It's a fear of a fox who despite his cleverness and wit has no chance against a bigger predator. Upon spotting how peaceful and kind Roman's expression Virgil relaxes down a little bit which gives Roman a sign to pursue the action. He brings the tissue up to Virgil's lips, gently brushing off the fresh blood and rest of the dark lipstick from the corners of his mouth. The whiteness of the tissue mixes with natural paleness of Virgil's skin. Just as the tissue begins soak with red blood Virgil's face reds up too. He however stays still, letting Roman finish what he has started.

Roman's heart is racing. Virgil's lips feel so soft under his touch. He tries not to press too hard, not wanting the crack to open again but his fingers still linger on these soft pillows a little bit longer than it should. Roman makes sure to keep his face straight and expressionless while his mind serves him beautiful visions of his own lips crushing onto Virgil ones. He realizes how bad idea it was to begin with. Because now he knows how mind-blowing and silky soft it would feel to kiss Virgil. And he knows that this thoughts are going to hunt him in the night.

Virgil oblivious to Roman's thoughts, parts his lips, letting his breath tackle Roman's caring fingers. To Roman it feels almost sinful and he quickly moves his hand away and backs off frightened of himself and of the hanging possibility of losing Virgil's trust. He can't afford that. Not after Virgil let him into his circle.

"I'm going to take a shower." Roman stands up abruptly, still feeling the softness of Virgil's lips under his fingers. "It... It was a long day." he adds to clarify in case Virgil... Roman has no idea what Virgil could think but better give a shitty excuse than no excuse. Up until he shuts the doors of the bathroom closed he can feel the stare of dark eyes, fixed at his back.

Roman jumps under the cold shower. He needs to get rid of that stupid romantic feelings for Virgil as soon as possible. They can be amazing gay-buddies if only Roman lets go off that affection. But the feeling of his lips, his soft, innocent features which literally scream to be caresses, delicate, fluffy hair under his fingers... Roman doubts he will ever get over that. That is if he pushes aside the sharp tongue, witty humor, bitter sarcasm and kind, fragile heart.  The cold drops sprinkle Roman's hot face. He's surprised that water doesn't vaporize immediately as soon as it touches his skin.

A muffled groan mixes with the sound of the water. To think that Roman's going to most probably spend another night with Virgil curled up next to him. As much as he wished for it to happen again, now he's not sure how to handle this. In addition he has no idea if he's not being too obvious to Virgil. It would make things even more awkward. In case they weren't already. And to top that all- Logan's words still rings in his head. That's just fantastic.

Roman steps out of the shower, the water from his hair drips on his shoulders as he pulls on the old t-shirt.

"Shit." Curse hangs in his throat. He didn't even ask Virgil if he's planning to stay over-night. He just plainly assumed that he would but... "Repeat after me..." he points at his reflection in the mirror "I am the king of concern." Roman in the mirror mouths the words. The wet hair stick to his forehead, his cheeks are still red and his muscles look very tense. He pinches his thigh trying to bring himself back to normal state but the effect is merely satisfying. Aware of his massive failure, Roman walks out of the bathroom, to almost walk directly onto Virgil.

Virgil flashes red and stumbles back.

"I...I heard some voices and I thought that maybe..." he mutters a little bit ashamed a little bit frustrated, turning away his gaze. These are the moments that Roman understands why Patton treats Virgil like a child. It's not the fact that he's immature. It's that Virgil whole personality carries the childish shyness. The heavy anger disappears from Roman's chest.

"You thought I've gone mad?" Roman jokes lightly, trying to calm down Virgil. This man is like a big puzzle to Roman. He slowly starts to learn that some situations require physical contact, some re-assurance and some just plain humor. This time he reads the situation properly- Virgil chuckles. His hand covering his mouth.

"Nah, this one thing I'm sure about you."

Roman's eyebrow furrows.

"Well that was rude." he points but smiles widely.

"It was meant to be. Gotta keep up that emo persona, right?" Virgil, completely relaxed leans against the wall. In a matter of few seconds, in front of Roman, he transforms from shy, flushed chicken, into fully grown up man, aware of his crushing a little bit intimidating presence and cocky smile. This is the first time he has ever pulled out something like that and Roman is breathless.

"Please." he snorts in reply finally "I've realized that you're not so emo faster than you think."

"Oh really?" asks Virgil tilting his head and take a step forward. He's really small compared to Roman. His chin barely reaches Roman's shoulders. Despite that fact Roman suddenly feels completely over-whelmed with his persona. Virgil's attitude his leaking out, his skin glows in the fake light of the lamp above them. "We'll see that." he adds taking another step.

Roman is ready for the younger male to colligate with his chest but to his utter surprise Virgil gracefully swirls under Roman's arm, cackling like a child. The bathroom shuts behind him but Roman stays still. He can feel that Virgil's right next to him sensing his presence behind the door.

"Oh by the way!" yells Virgil finally, trying to keep up strong, sarcastic voice. "I'm staying over-night!" the sentence balances on the edge between plea and ask, not being even remotely close to the demand. Roman brings his hand up to his mouth, trying to hide away the cheerful giggle.

Apparently wearing boxer as a pajama was just Virgil's thing because despite having his own clothes, when he steps out of the bathroom his legs are again blissfully bare. Pale tights are half hidden under the long, lose hoodie and a towel hangs around his neck. Roman thinks that he could totally get used to that view. He gulps uncomfortably when Virgil flushes his wet bangs back, completely revealing his handsome, bare face. The bags under his eyes aren't fashionably hidden under the foundation although they seem to be darker than the last time.

Roman tears away his gaze and rubs the corners of his eyes reminding himself that he definitely doesn't have a right to stare. That's just creepy.

"Wassup? Tired already, old man?" teases Virgil, plopping on the couch.

Roman opens his eyes, shooting a death-glare to Virgil who smiles innocently. Looking that angelic should be illegal, especially for someone who looks like embodiment of emo.

"In the night-time you completely take off that dark persona, don't you Hot Topic?" Roman responds with a question.

Virgil raises up his eyebrow. It looks like a small dark caterpillar and for some reason Roman's lips quirk up.

"What are you laughing at?" the banter with questions without the answers continues. "Hot Topic your ass, damn it." he mutters under his breath, staring intensively at the milky brown pattern covering the couch.

"Well this is true. My butt is definitely pretty hot." grins Roman, his eyes creating small crescents.

"I don't know about your butt but you, mister, have pretty big damned ego." Virgil lightly pokes Roman's chest before quickly moving his hand away. The light tough was enough for Roman to have his skin on fire.

"But you like that." Roman adds more as a joke than a serious suggest, sending a flirty wink. To his surprise Virgil looks away, fixing his gaze at his fingers.

"Maaaaybe." he replies raspy.

Roman heart drums two painful, loud, slow-motioned thuds. He has no idea if he should treat it as a sarcastic remark or something more. Suddenly the space between Virgil and him seems too small and at the same too big depending on how he interprets that one word. He's very aware that he stares into Virgil like a creep but Roman tries, oh tries so desperately to read something, anything out of his face. The roles reverse. Normally he would be the one who throw the confusion at the partner but now he’s being thrown at. And thrown around. Across the room. Or at least metaphorical.

Virgil yawns a little bit, breaking the train of Roman's thoughts.

"Shit." he mutters under his breath running a hand through his still a little bit wet hair.

"You? Sleepy? I've never thought I would see that with my own eyes." laughs Roman, feeling relieved that they don't have to continue the uncomfortable conversation. After the long and pretty intense day he wishes of nothing more than his own bed. Even after the coffee he has drank not so long time ago. Roman stands up stretching out his arms, letting his shirt to raise up a little bit. He looks down at Virgil arching is eyebrow.

"Not really sleepy to be honest. Just tired." Virgil only slightly shakes his head before smiling slyly. Shining eyes land on Roman. "But if you carry me to bed, I can try to sleep." He laughs seeing Roman's very confused expression and burning redness covering his cheeks.

His laugh sounds like a thousands of melodic tiny bells. It still wears the signs the freshness of a teenager. Virgil throws his head behind, resting it on the wall behind him. His arms wrap around his stomach and damn Roman if he doesn't look adorable.

"I don't know what's so funny..." groans Roman quietly, both burning with shame and enjoying another small, pure moment they share. The sight of Virgil laughing so carelessly on his couch goes straight to the list of memories he's going to rewind before sleep for next week.

As suddenly as Virgil bursts into laughter, as unexpectedly he stops. His head straightens up, his lips again create faint pinkish line. The only visible sign of his mood few seconds again is his hair which now party cover his face. He stands up and not saying a word directs his steps to the bedroom.

Roman shakes his head. Will he ever be able to understand this guy? Being around him is like full rollercoaster of emotions. And Roman is the first time in the line to ride it. Sighing, he turns off the light in the room and slips through the cracked door of the dark bedroom. Virgil's already curled up under the sheet, lying in the exact same spot where he did the last time. His eyes are wide opened and glow with whites in the darkness. Roman maintaining the eye-contact, sits and lies down on the bed, his arm under his head as he shifts to face Virgil properly. They stare at each other in complete silence.

"Can I ask you something Ro?" asks Virgil finally, both of his hands are curled into fists and rest next to his mouth as if they were ready to stop Virgil anytime.

"Of course."

"Why did you go _there_ today, before the show?" Virgil speaks softly as if he wasn't sure of what Roman reaction could look like. Their hearts hummer in the same pattern but they are not yet aware of that. Virgil rests his pinky finger on his lower lip observing the other in silence.

"How do you know about that?" asks Roman finally even though he knows the answer to this question.

"Cynthia's my good friend you know..." huffs out Virgil, letting more hair fall on his face. Roman hums quietly. Of course that Cynthia would tell Virgil. But he was just... so desperate few hours ago that it really didn't matter to him. His breath hitches again when Virgil repeats the question. This time it's in the form of one word "Why?" much more deadly than the last one. Roman knows he can't escape it so easily. Does telling the truth carries a risk? Is it even possible to lie in situation like that? Roman’s a little bit worn-out and blurry mind isn’t in the best shape. He knows he can’t play games, not today, not now when he can finally talk to Virgil in full honesty.

"I was worried about you." speaks Roman, his voice soft and sweet like a honey. There's no point in hiding and he hopes that it will shut Virgil down.

"Why were you worried? I told you I tend to disappear. It's kinda my thing." Virgil moves a little bit closer to Roman. The warmth is emanating from him, just like last week. Roman's throat is desert dry.

"Because I care."

This time there's a long pause between his declaration and Virgil's response. The younger male has his eyes closed and for a moment Roman wonders if he hasn't fell asleep. He can't control himself as his hand travels up to Virgil's face to, with a butterfly touch, caress his baby-soft skin. Roman wants to just bring him closer and trap him in his own arms. The world could wait. His theatre, Patton and Logan. Everything could wait. Only him and Virgil.

The latter lazily opens his eyes. Roman plans on moving his hand again but is stopped with a glimmer in Virgil's dark eyes.

Roman's face is burning. He has no idea what is going on. Both in Virgil and his own heart. The air between them is thick and smells like roses. Velvety sheets rustle a little bit as Virgil moves closer. The space between them decrease drastically. Roman’s trapped under the chest racing heart almost touches Virgil. He tries his best to keep on regular breathing but it’s not easy. His lungs fill up with gooey, ticklish feeling. If he wasn’t be so tense, he would probably tremble with emotions. Roman closes his eyes not being able to look at Virgil from that close distance without feeling a shadow of desire. Being scared that his feelings will show in his eyes and on his face, Roman snuggles a little bit into the pillow.  He slowly counts to ten, ten times to calm himself down.

Roman’s in the middle of 6th round when something warm and delicate rest next to his chest. He dares to open one eye only to close it again. Virgil cuddles next to him. His body next to Roman’s own. Warm and cozy next to flushing hot.

Very cautiously, ignoring the way he’s shaking Roman places his hand on Virgil’s back delicately pushing him nearer. To his utter surprise Virgil leans onto the feeling and his cheek suddenly rests right next to Roman’s heart.

“You have funny heart-beat…” mutters Virgil sheepishly.

Roman traces small circles on Virgil’s back, feeling his spine, bones and muscles. He’s not sure if he will fall asleep this night.

“Hey, Virge do you-“ he looks down before finishing his question.

Virgil peacefully snores curled up next to him.

 


End file.
